DD #17

First let's get the bad shit out d way, a brief summary of the fuck up of my balls.

- liquid layer built up around lefty

- surgery - permanent effect, removes layer and excess skin off my scrotum via incision. Severe pain for 4 days following operation then slight pain decreasing in severity over 3 months.

On 22.07.02 8:15am go to Adult Day Care at the hospital with a shaven scrotum, a urine sample, and a pair of trainers. See a doctor and anaesthetist and sign a consent form. Get put asleep and have the operation and have the wound stitched and covered in gauze. Wake up. Have painkillers for the pain and go home wearing tight pants for support and to reduce all the swelling. No sports for 3 months.

Gauze over wound - if by 10 days stitches are still visible, peck off. No bath or shower on 22.07.02, instead have a bath on 23.07.02 at the evening where gauze is removed. Leave to heal. DON'T GO SWIMMING WITH OPEN WOUND 2 AVOID INFECTION.

Now that's out the way...

I love Steph Hand and did love Amanda Higginbotham but I can't now because she told me something which I promised no-one would find out about so I can't write it in here because some people may read this. She trust's me so I will not ruin that trust - plus it would be sad - also - I couldn't!

This song I taped reminds me of Steph - it's true (the song):

Lonestar - Amazed By You

To me going out with Steph is like a hobby -

I enjoy doing it - but not finishing doing it.

I don't do it ALL the time but I do it regularly.

She has invited me up over the holidays but I don't know whether I should go up because if I do it I will be putty in her hands. I like her so much I'd do near enough anything for her. I mean for God sake I'd fuckin die for her yet she doesn't realise how much she means to me - she should like, cuz I've been out with her about 5 times in 6 months. I mean for fuck sake! It's like no matter what she does I still fancy the arse off her. Jesus if she went and had a mother fucking sex change I'd probably still fancy her!!! I know that if she clicked her fingers I'd come running to see what she wants.

If I went up over the holidays I'd probably be unable to help chatting her up and feeling her up - if I did, we'd get together and then she'd finish me. What I'm debating now is whether the time between starting going out with her and being finished by her is worth the humiliation and heartbreak (I'm surprised I've got enough heart left to break - the amount of times Steph's already broke it).

I personally don't think I deserve her. I'm always skint, don't see her all the time, and aren't there for her all the time. I cud be perfect if I won the lottery and moved house to next door to her, or even better - in with her. She is perfect. She has a perfect body, a great personality, and great looks. I get on with her family - "all" her family which is not the easiest part of having a relationship - (getting to meet and impress their parents).

They are sound and even her little sister could be worse. I could spend my life with her easily - if she'd let me (Steph not Sophie (Steph's sister)).

Grow up, get a fly car liked a souped up Subaru Imprezza or Hyundai Coupe, get a big house dead smart inside, widescreen TV, DVD player, latest console, loadsa games n everything. Cud have Steph by my side as my wife, 2 kids, one boy, one girl and a fantastic sex life in a king size bed - smooth. Oh yeah and a wallet fulla dosh.

That's my ultimate dream - screw world peace, screw no death - that's what I would wish for.

L8rs.

P.S. Easters tomorrow! Painted Christine's room today - take it from me, that's hard. It's a surprise for when she comes back from her foster carers.

DD #16

Last day of the week.

Had me arm reinforced in plaster cuz me plaster was fallin apart.

I've won my 2nd consecutive league with Juventus on Fifa 2002 and am 6th with Arsenal on LMA Manager 2002 with a whole (nearly) new team like.

Avin a top-up next weekend. I need it.

2day was target setting day and I had great targets and grades. Sound as.

Eastenders is on in half hour and TOTP's is on now so c you l8r.

DD #15

Why isn't anything straightforward with me? There I was thinking I was going to the hospital yesterday to have a proper cast on then coming home, when suddenly boom everything goes wrong.

I got there and sat for about 20 mins before I was seen by a consultant who said that the end of my bone which had broke off had turned about 15° from where it was supposed to be, so I had to have it put right. I waited for another man to check me out and make sure there was a bed free. There was. I went up to Ward 20 with a porter and stayed there. They told me they wanted a sample of my urine in a cardboard style bottle, I was like what?!?

I was shaved where everything was and had my blood pressure and temperature taken. Dad went down Mum's to tell her what was happening and I sat and watched Family Fortunes before given a Gameboy with dead batteries in. I had to starve for 6 hours before I went to theatre, so I couldn't have no dinner. I watched The Grinch, pretty lame, but as bit funny. Then I got them a sample, then sat talking to Dominique from across the ward.

Then some stupid woman came in and drew a black arrow on my left arm. Smooth. I had two blobs of 'magic' cream on my hand and inside of my elbow to numb the area for a 'tap'. I had a little name bracelet on so they didn't lose me, and got changed into an NHS gown. 

I got taken down to theatre on my bed with my dad who got dressed up like a doctor. Well worth all the pain. Then I had a tap put on which is a device so they can inject me to get me to sleep. Only they couldn't find a vein and ended up gassing me to put the tap in.

When I woke up they had finished (good job) and I had a hard white cast on. I was knackered and fell back asleep almost instantly. When I was back up on the ward I had my arm in a brace thing to stop the swelling then fell back asleep. I woke up at about 7pm and was told if I could eat and drink without being sick and go the loo before 8:30pm then I could go home. If not then I would have to stay in overnight. I managed and came home. 1st though I went my mums and had some spaghetti and sausage on toast.

Got home in pain and fell asleep.

A bit longer than just having a proper cast on, eh?

Got the day off though cause I'm knackered so I don't care.

DD #14

Soz I haven't been writing for a while but I've had things on my mind.

I did my mock SAT's the other week and did good on them. Top in English and joint top in Woodwork technology.

Webby's been away for ages. I don't know what's up with him. He might be on holiday but it's not like him to go without boasting about it.

I haven't got me appointment yet but I've got to go up hospital tomorrow to have a plaster cast on. Because Webby's away I stood in for him in the City Championships Basketball Final at Fenton Manor (Thurs 28/02/2002) and broke my left wrist. Bitch.

Amanda Higginbotham still has the fittest ass ever. I so want to get my hands all over it. Shame about the face. Luckily I can still move my left arm so I can still have a feel!

Txt Steph today to wish her a happy birthday. She's in Wales for a week. Lucky git.

I can't think of much else apart from that Jackass a t.v. programme is well funny and that I am a jackass.

C u soon.