Relapse Avoidance #1

I was 21 before I got involved in the drug scene.

I had finished University and broken up with my fiancee; it left me isolated with a large chasm in my life I had no idea how to occupy.

I began moving with the wrong crowd. It started with marijuana, at first a few joints and by the end I was a moderate/heavy user buying by the ounce and regularly using bongs.

I phased out the marijuana as I began experimenting with other drugs such as amphetamines, cocaine, ketamine, MDMA, and methoxetamine. It was cocaine that was my downfall. I arrogantly believed I was above addiction, but I was sadly mistaken.

Before long I was a heavy abuser, up to six nights a week, taking a bump to work for a pick me up when I was coming down during shift. I exhausted all available revenue streams just prolonging the inevitable comedown. I racked up considerable debts in bank loans, credit cards and overdrafts. By the end of it, I was a financial car wreck, with no grasp on my life that was rapidly spiraling out of control.

Thankfully, I got into a new relationship that though only brief in duration, it resulted in pregnancy for my partner. This may seem contradictory; how could a child be a healthy addition to my life considering my lifestyle at the time?

Well that child motivated me to turn my life around. I quit at the news of conception and began the lengthy road to recovery. It hasn't been easy and I have relapsed (isolated occasions) during the years following.

My daughter is now 5, and I have been clean for 2 years and 5 months. It hasn't been easy and at times I really have to fight the urge to indulge myself in a night of selfish escape. These tendencies occur largely when I feel like life has plateaued, or at times of high stress/emotional distress.

I handle it well, but it takes great amounts of willpower to not relapse. Addiction isn't something you overcome; it's something you can suppress or hide away from, but it's always there lurking in the shadows waiting to reappear and torment you.