Short Story: The Outpost 2

I took my new Excabana 2000 and rolled behind some barrels. Rapid gunshots whipped up my hair and thundered the floor around my feet. I was back this time with a new purpose. Dimitri Mishkin must be killed and all the military force must be killed or arrested. Me and Agent 007. Bond.

I took my way carefully sideways and leant out. Soldiers there were a whole platoon, and tanks. I’m exaggerating. I leant out with my gun and blasted half the platoon to outer space. The earth turned dusty black. Drone guns and miniguns were dragged out onto the battlefield. They were attempting to complete their target; eliminate me, Agent 006, Alec Trevelyan. Charming. I’m going to die with a firing squad facing me. Bullets through the face. Painful experience.

No. I’d take it like a man. I wouldn’t abort the mission. I pulled out a hand grenade and hurled it (pin out of course) over into a crowd of soldiers. KABOOM. The platoon was blown away, but their weapons were preserved.

I took a minigun and aimed at the hut that was neatly placed in the snowy, white earth. Guards surfaced, forcing through the snow grasping assault rifles, five bullets in one. Swell.

I leant out with my cruddy Excabana 2000, three bullets per shot. I could just about kill a flea. If that. No, I leant out with my… der… der… der… minigun! Fifteen bullets per shot! Yummy! Blood splatting everywhere. Snow stained red with blood. They must be nutters to kill themselves just for one stupid computer. Pathetic. I’d get to the computer and destroy it once and for all. Wipe all the data from the database. Set the missile to explode in the grounds, attack the weapon cache and escape with the seven hostages. I would complete the objectives.

I’d been launched in by parachute and Q Branch had given me a few gadgets. A data copier; it could copy information off one computer, or off a disk onto another disk. I also had three bomb defuser’s to plug into the computers so that I could get into the security computer and abort the launch of the nuclear missile and set it to explode. And last but not least, a skeleton key to unlock the hostage cells.

Failing the mission or getting captured would leave MI6 the laughing stock of the community. I dived out, minigun spinning, bullets a-firing, blood a-shedding, bodies a-falling, weapons a-clattering. People falling backwards. My clothes growing stiffer as the ice coats them. The snow crunching crisp beneath my feet as I sidestep through the snow. I wear a bulletproof vest and bulletproof shin guards.

I pulled back the trigger and bullets ripped through the air. Rearranging a guards face. 15 bullets through the face. Yummy! I shot down a few more, then headed for the military cache. I darted through the door as it began to close and only just made it in. I grabbed the rocket launcher from off the side, and opened the door. I aimed it into the midst of the people. I pulled back the trigger and a rocket pounded into the middle of the soldiers and blasted them into outer space.

I pulled out a spare uniform and got changed. I left a model of me dressed in my clothes and escaped down a set of stairs that led away. I was in a maze of underground tunnels. I opened a simple wooden door that blocked my path and slipped in ducking behind a metal crate. Bullets ripped through the air over my head. I lobbed a hand grenade over into the pile of soldiers and it exploded clearing the corridor. I ran along and picked up the ammunition. I climbed upon a ledge above the door and set a small bomb below the door. The door opened and a crowd of people came in. I detonated the bomb and half the soldiers got blown away. I hung upside down and shot into the middle of the soldiers. A ton dropped dead and I took a rocket launcher out. HOOM HOOM HA HA HA. YUMMY!

I dropped from my perch like a falcon moving daringly. I entered the room.

It had two air tanks filled with a blue-silvery substance and a hideous creature in both of them. I went to the life support computer and powered down the energy. They let out a terrible cry before exploding. Blood and guts powered through the glass. I had to dive backwards to avoid being caught in a shower of shards of glass. I merely missed being caught in the after lurch as the whole machines exploded. I crawled through the bones. I turned back and scanned the memory with my data copier and loaded up the security door passwords. I also found that the missile bay doors and the blast doors had been locked with the well guarded, secret data installation room computer.

I had to get there.

I drew my AR33 Assault Rifle and approached the broad door.

“I’ve gotta go kick some ass.”

I attached a two metre radius explosive to the door.

Knock, knock, knock. I rapped on the door. I backed away and pulled out my detonation watch.

“Come to Dada!”

I drew out my throwing knife and attached it to the bomb so its metal would attract the detonation signals. Then I backed away from the door.

“Come on. Come on!”

I heard the password being entered so I knew someone was on the other side. I did a short detonation and blasted the defenceless infantry away.

“Lovely jubilee!”

I waited till I heard chattering on the other side of more than ten people, then I made my move. I pressed the button and blasted the infantry away. To make it better I did a double fireworks display. BOOM. BOOM. The door no longer existed, nor did the door frame. Bodies lay scattered in the doorway. Weaponry scattered. Painful.

They got in my way, they died. Their problem. They should learn. Big style.

I looked about the corridor, there was only one apparent exit so I used it. I passed through the door (it was open obviously) into a secretary office. A guard stood unaware so I just blew his brains out with a high power 9mm. I dragged his bulled tattered body to a storage cupboard and disposed of his body. It was no ordinary cupboard, it was a bottomless pit in disguise as a cupboard.

On the desk was a key and a computer, some papers and a black mouse shape with a red button set into it.  Up the corner sat a safe. It was locked by a key. I took the key from the desk and tried it in the lock. It fit perfectly and turned smoothly. The safe opened and inside were full plans of the building and the blueprints of a highly formatted stealth helicopter. I took a look at the plans. According to them, I was in the security base. The centre of the security depot. Curses.

I took my sniper rifle and aimed it through the cranny that lay aside. The cache lay down there. I took out a mask of the persons face in the corridor. I slipped it on and got into costume. I set a bomb in the doorway and pressed the alarm for attendance. Soldiers smashed down the door.

“Where’s the prob, boss?!”

“Up that corridor there is a gang of intruders! I wish you to dispose of them!”

“Right away boss!” he cried, saluting. Then he turned and ordered his troops up the tunnel. The tunnel of death. A few seconds after they had entered the tunnel, the tunnel went boom. About twenty troops ran in.

“You’re under arrest on suspicion of traitory!”

“But it was not me, it was the man with the rubber head!”

“Take him away boys!”

“No, you don’t understand. It was the man with the rubber head! Comprendai!?”

“Shut it you wacko!”

“But I’m not a wacko, it was not me! You don’t understand!”

The cuffs were pulled out. My AR33 was also pulled out, but not by them… by me!

“You don’t listen. It was not me, it was the Edi! But you wouldn’t listen. And you chief, I like you the best so I’ll kill you last!”

Bullets tore through the air. Bodies hit the floor. Blood was spilt.

I reached out and grabbed the chief by his collar. I hung him over a pool of man eating piranhas.

“You know I said I’d kill you last. Well I lied.”

He tumbled down into the pool and the piranhas went to work. Every now and then he would appear, thrashing his arms wildly trying to escape. The piranhas were too quick though, and made short work of him.

I drew my swiss army knife and set to work tearing through the walls. I knew that there should be a ventilation duct there big enough for me to get through. I found it. I clambered in and began to climb my way along the tunnel. Thank God I’m not claustrophobic, I would probably pass out! I got out the plans of the building and scanned where I was and where I had got to go. At the moment I was in tunnel S2 and I wanted to get to tunnel S6. I would have to continue to the cross section then turn right, then second left and I’d be there.

So I began to head down the tunnel when I came to a tunnel not marked on my plans. My curiosity overwhelmed me and I had to investigate. So I turned and headed into the gloom that clung in the air like an unwanted germ. I continued into the dense area until I emerged in an airing closet.

I looked through a cranny and noticed ahead lay a deserted corridor. The plans did not have it labelled on the map. Strange, I thought. I opened the door and headed to the very end of the corridor. It came to an abrupt end with a lift on the end. Weird. Very weird. I climbed in and automatically it began to lower into the mushy earth. Suddenly it tipped on its side and I was hurled against the metal wall.

Everything went black.

When I awoke I was sitting in a chair, tied down with a fat guy dressed in black, Dimitri Mishkin sitting in front of me.

“So you like to come here blowing up places, killing soldiers, sneaking through vents. Well it stops, or else people will start to get hurt. Bring in the hostage Gd” he called, and instantly a white faced, crooked man hobbled in, gagged and tied up. “People like him, ha, ha, ha!”

“Go on, laugh until your fat head falls off. I have a mission to complete, and I’m going to complete it.”

“Big words for such a small man. I admire your courage, shame it will not last.”

He pressed a button beneath the desk and a pit opened in front of me.

“Goodbye, Trevelyan.”

I tumbled forward into the pit, surrounded by blackness as I tumbled into the deep chasm. I landed on a solid surface. Cliff faces climbed steeply towards the top. So did I. Suddenly the walls began to move together and it seemed I was going to die, until a strong hand shot down and grabbed mine.

“007!” I exclaimed. “Where’s ditty Dimitri?”

“He made a run when me and the squat reinforcement team 5 came in.”

“What were you armed with?”

“An RCP-90.”

“What’s got into boss? I thought he’d give you a rubbish gun!”

“Huh, you did?”

“What was I supposed to think?”

I picked up a pad on the table. It had notes in it telling where they had gone. They had gone by plane to Statue Park in St. Petersberg. I drew my… der… der… derrr… mobile phone. I rang the HQ. M Branch received on the other end.

“Hello?”

“M Branch!” I exclaimed.

“Trevelyan, I thought you were dead…”

“Well you thought wrong. Look. Dimitri on the run. He’s in Statue Park in St. Petersberg, Russia. Can you cut him off?”

Them words were followed by silence.

“M Branch, are you there?” I trailed off.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Good!”

I put away my mobile and drew my PP7.

“Bye 007!”

I pulled back the trigger.

“Why did you shoot me Trevelyan?!”

“Because you’re a traitor. I know you killed Natalya Simonova and I know you gave away valuable information that only a second bodyguard could get. Valid information. You were the only second bodyguard we had.”

“But it was not me! It was the man with the rubber head!”

We both had a good laugh, then he keeled over with blood oozing from the cross wound in his chest.

I looked out. Boris Grishenko stood playing on a computer. For a few seconds then, I put a sniper rifle cartridge through his head. He was not an MI6 operative; he was a Janus team man. That is why he died. Then I turned to see Baron Samedi come running through the door grasping an uzi.

“Pasta lavesta, Trevelyan! Why do you have to leave us so soon?”

“I’m not, you are!”

“Wanna bet?”

I pulled out my AR33 Assault Rifle and pumped a few bullets through his chest. Oh yeah, I’ve just remembered, he didn’t even have a chest! I left the room with my two ZMG 9mm’s drawn and fully loaded. Oddjob ran out of a dark side tunnel. I fired off a few hundred rounds into his thick skill. Skin pierced and blood oozing he managed two last words into his mic; “shoot high”.

I dropped to the floor.

“Oddjob, I’ll see you in hell!” and fired a few more rounds through him.

Bullets tore through the air over my head. “Missed! I always was better than you, Jaws!”

I blew a few clips through his foot. I blew out his kneecap, and he lay on the floor rolling around grasping his knee trying to stop the bleeding. I put him out of his misery.

I picked up his uzi and D5K Deusche silenced; yummy!

I walked out and down the narrow corridor leading away. Suddenly I burst through the wall and into the garden. I was blocked in by a broad stone wall. Troops dropped from the rooves clutching automatic shotguns, single barrelled. It didn’t bother me though, because I simply pulled out my grenade launcher and just sat back to watch the fireworks. Blood and guts went flying. I think I ruined a few families. Good.

“Trevelyan! You’re out of control! You don’t mean to shoot our men!”

“Are you sure about that M Branch? I think you’ll have to think on that one!”

I lay down the mic and set the missile to explode.

“This is all the time you have to live.”

The countdown began.

“Do you want to die?”

I stepped away onto the path that led away. I strode away. The countdown had begun.

224. 223. 222. 221. 220. 219. 218…

I ran and hung off the left landing stabiliser of the helicopter. The helicopter that the hostages, Mayday and Mishkin were in. All I had to do was rescue the hostages and kill Mayday and Mishkin. Oh yeah, and get back to the HQ. We had risen about 8700 metres off the ground when the base blew up.

“Asta lavesta baby!” I cried as I set the hostages on parachutes and attached a remote mine to the bottom of the aircraft. I pulled out my watch and jumped… well parachuted off the bottom. I did a freefall about 2000 feet before opening my parachute. I looked up as shards of helicopter powered down. It had blown.

When I reached the HQ, I realised M Branch was still alive. So I made sure he wasn’t. And Q Branch as well. Then I found Moneypenny. Well things had always been fine between me and Moneypenny so we got to business and moved country.

As people always say, all’s well that ends well.

That’s what I thought until I got home with Moneypenny. Guards appeared from behind bushes grasping ZMG’s.

“Oh sugar and spice!” I cried. “Moneypenny, you traitor! I’ll see you in hell!”

I pulled out a rocket launcher out of my back pocket. I blew her away. The second the rocket hit her, she blew to Mars.

“You’re under arrest pal.”

“Wanna bet?” I exclaimed, pulling out my rocket launcher. “Wanna bet?”