I have conceded it for a while to myself, yet I always surreptitiously avoid outright admission around others. That needs to change now. It is time I discuss the issue of my relationship with alcohol.
Getting drunk has always seemed as natural as watching TV, or going shopping. In the UK, it's just a societal norm; a cultural happenstance. Without explicit intent, and with minimal pressure, we happily disappear into the bottom of a glass at the drop of a hat. It's something the majority of people "just do" without a second thought. We make light of how readily we go to the pub, humour ourselves with our drunken shenanigans, and incredulously recant that "no good story ever began with eating a salad".
The overlooked issue with widespread acceptance of drinking culture, is the subtle pressure we all feel to partake in it. Telling people you "don't drink" is akin to declaring that you are a "vegan" and carries the same risk of being ostracised. If you are wondering why anyone would have an issue with you being vegan, you are helping to illustrate my point. When somebody says they are vegan, they are perceived as foisting their moral righteousness in your face, and in the same breath, judging you. The same can be said of saying that you "don't drink". To not drink alcohol is viewed as haughty. If you do not drink alcohol, then you make others feel uncomfortable drinking alcohol in your presence. Like smoking around non-smokers. Or eating meat around vegans.
Resultantly, I am a moderate to heavy drinker. Pretty much every social event involves alcohol in truth. And I am a relatively sociable person. "Fancy a pint?" is a common greeting I extend to friends and family. The issue that I've become acutely aware of over the last 12 months or so, is my penchant for having zero restraint when it comes to stopping consuming alcohol once I start. They call it binge drinking. I call it a big problem. I have a fundamental absence of control.
In the last 12 months I can count 5-10 occasions when I have drank alcohol to the point that I have either blacked out and cannot remember the events of the night, done/said something embarrassing that I have later regretted, and/or had a negative impact on other people through my actions whilst under the influence. All these occasions included spending money that would have been better spent elsewhere, and contributing to negative health impacts beyond the inevitable hangovers.
Casting a casual remorseful glance back over my drunken past, I can genuinely say that the negative outcomes outweigh the positive. It's not even a close contest. The concern over what I've said or done whilst drunk is the tip of the iceberg. I've spent unbelievable amounts of money on alcohol, and subsequently spent lamentable amounts of time curled up in a hungover ball of self-loathing thereafter. I've got into drunken fights, including breaking my hand which had to be wired back together. I have a tendency to get aggressive and confrontational when I'm drunk which has embroiled me in many avoidable situations. I've fallen over whilst drunk and injured myself, I've even been knocked over by a car on a couple of occasions whilst staggering drunk into moving traffic. I've slept in random places including a public phone box, a hotel corridor and even on a doorstep. I've embarrassed myself and invited ridicule from friends/family by pissing in random places such as in my kitchen drawer, on Christmas decorations, even on my bedroom carpet which reeked for over a week. I've drank to the point I've been painfully vomiting, hell, even to the point of shitting blood. When I drink I lose my inhibitions and typically do other things I don't want to including indulging in recreational drug abuse and unwanted sexual encounters. I was even accused of rape in the past, and though I genuinely believe the encounter was consensual, the fact that we were both intoxicated complicates things. Whilst drunk I also do stupid things like risk my actual life by pretending to throw myself in front of a moving train.
It is clearly apparent that I cannot trust myself with alcohol, and the only recourse available is to accept the consequences of being that guy who says, "I don't drink".
It is time I genuinely rethink my relationship with alcohol.
It's time to return to a naked mind.
https://www.thisnakedmindcommunity.com/home
https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration
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