I found a hack to avoid relapsing. I quit alcohol.
It was never a secret that the majority of my stupid decisions seemed to happen under the influence of alcohol. Drug usage. Regretted words and confessions. Suicidal ideation. Putting my safety at risk.
With an empty wallet, a horrific hangover, and a comedown, I would often wallow in self pity and remorse. Curled in a ball of self loathing I would lament my lack of impulse control. My fickleness. My stupidity. I would question why the hell I was back here, again.
Then after I quit drugs, I would still have to battle the urge to indulge, the incessant temptation when inebriated to just have a dabble. It will be fine. You deserve it. Nobody will know. Nobody has to know. It's just a little reward for all your hard work. The little voice in my head would always pop up with an unwanted opinion.
And then I quit alcohol. It's been over 12-months now.
I always rolled my eyes at those who lauded their sobriety over everyone else, from atop their moral high horse of virtue. But I kind of get it now. There is a sense of value in escaping from societal conformity that comes with quitting alcohol; it is so ingrained in culture, and so pervasive in society that to abstain feels like an act of defiance, rebellion. To not drink alcohol feels like you have clarity that most cannot.
You see behind the curtain, and you cannot unsee it.
I hope 2024 brings success to whoever reads this and that you overcome whatever demons you are fighting.
xo
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