I Am Me

I am a little bit of emptiness, a fragment of incompleteness.

A patchwork life of experiences, of memories and regrets.

I am the one who has created magic, and also orchestrated tragedy.

I am the shadows, the darkness that smothers and consumes everything it touches, tainting it and leaving it broken and hollow.

I am also the cleansing fire that ignites like gunpowder, inspiring and enchanting, teasing out the deepest beauty in those around me.

I am equilibrium, balance, harmony; the chaos and the order.

The perfect imperfection.

I am the one that has hated my reflection to the extent that I've held a razor blade against the delicate fragile skin of my wrist, and pushed it down just enough to feel the adrenaline flood my system and know how simply it could be over.

How easily I could escape.

But I am also the very same one who set that razor down, who looked at that hateful face staring back, the one with the burning look of disgust, and vowed to be better.

To overcome it.

To not give up on me.

I am the Rubik's cube; the 6 conflicting sides, colours blurred together in a rainbow of confusion.

Hate and love, elation and sorrow, pride and regret.

I am the ideal recipe for self destruction and resurrection.

The phoenix that rises from the ashes of it's own demise.

I am the sunshine that illuminates the shade, yet the rain that drowns the happiness.

I'm the high achieving academic success.

The one with the determination and perseverance.

I am the survivor; the one who refuses to concede defeat.

I am the one who got his degree, who finished University; the one who secured a stable job he enjoys.

I am the high functioning addict that let cocaine financially ruin him through ignorance and arrogance.

I am also the guy that battled through recovery and abstinence, and sacrificed his social circle to not relapse.

I am the one who repeatedly has his heart broken, and yet still yearns deep down for love, who won't turn his back on the potential for a taste of honest romance.

I am the emotionally fractured one that takes risks for those moments of connection and contentedness, however fleeting.

I am the one who yearns solitude, then detests being alone.

I am the father who fought for his child, who was willing to move mountains to be reunited with her, refusing to allow any obstacle to restrain him.

I am control.

I am the constant.

I am the one who shapes the world around me.

I am the virus and also the vaccine.

The problem and the solution.

I am the one holding the pen that defines the chapters of my biography; the storyteller, the destiny deciding, omnipotent presence.

I am the artist, drawing those playful strokes across the canvas of my life, creating a masterpiece of magnificent insignificance.

I am the haunting soliloquy that you hate to relate too.

I am evolution.

I am whole.

I am who I am meant to be at this very moment in time.

I am me, and I am okay with that.