Application for being Boyfriend Material

Credentials:

Qualified Graphic Designer with a Triple Distinction from Newcastle-under-Lyme College. I can draw and design mad awesome shit. If I ever lost my job, I could sell my artwork for a few quid to prevent needing to use foodbanks. I refuse to be a drain on society.

Qualified Computer Games Designer with a 2.1 Hons BSc Degree from Staffordshire University. Not only did I spend an unhealthy amount of time playing games as a kid – I also got a degree that excuses me doing it as an adult too. Hey, if I’m at home gaming, I’m not out cheating right?

Currently employed as an IT Manager for Connect Insurance Brokers Ltd, in a position I’ve held for 7 years. Started out as a Technician, then was promoted to a Supervisor, and now a Manager. I’m a great manager. I often turn up on time, and sometimes I even turn up sober. I’m a fucking delight to work for.

Held a Full UK driving licence for 12 years with no motoring convictions or claims. Admittedly this is due to not having a car and isn’t a fair representation of my driving ability/inability. But hey, in a pinch I can legally drive us around, although there is no guarantee we would survive the excursion.

I have a 6 year old daughter from a past relationship that lasted 7 weeks. The pregnancy was planned. I am a responsible parent, despite being a moron by planning a child with someone I’d been with for a few weeks. My daughter is pretty well behaved and I have custody of her at weekends meaning I’m at home behaving, not out up town getting drunk, high, or fighting any more. Wait, what do I mean by “any more”? Well. Interesting story; I used to be a bit of a dickhead (didn’t we all??) but I aren’t like that now. I’m a paradigm of chastity and virtue.

I have my own home. Well. It’s not owned by me, and my tenancy isn’t exactly secure. I’m actually expecting to be evicted in October. But at least I don’t live in a hostel or behind ASDA in a box or anything. Your daughter would be safe with me (at least until October).

My hobbies include working on music and writing a novel. I also like staying up all night like an irresponsible teenager, then drinking obscene amounts of coffee the next day to cope. I have a moderate caffeine addiction, and I also vape like a cool hipster kid for my nicotine fix.

Additional Notes:

Not sure what else to say, except that I really like your daughter, and I can only hope this application is sufficient for me to be considered. Thanks for your time, and I’d really relish the opportunity to make your daughter happy.