Thursday, 21 April 2022

The Subjectivity of Pain

Pain is a particularly elusive concept to articulate in words. We all understand the premise of pain, but such a subjective experience cannot be quantified with any measurable specificity.

Using scales and ratings we can attempt to convey our suffering in a meaningful way with some familiar context, yet in reality, such attempts are futile. Describing pain is akin to explaining anger, grief, or joy. Therein are stages, broad strokes of categorisation from a little to a lot, but nothing tangible insofar as is appreciable.


I say that, to say this; my current toothache presently feels like the worst pain I have ever experienced; alas, this carries little water since all previous pain I've experienced has been customarily loosely pigeon-holed as minor, mediocre, or major with no further nuance.

Allow me to reflect back briefly on past experiences of pain. I have broken both my clavicles and both my wrists over four separate incidents in my childhood. One such broken wrist resulted in the rotation of a bone fragment which required an operation to correct. I have broken my knuckle which remains uncorrected to this day. I have broken my fourth metacarpal whilst fighting which required the fitting of a Kirschner wire, which then became infected, and subsequently had to removed in a very painful procedure. I had a fluid layer surrounding one of my testicles (hydrocele testis) which resulted in an operation as a teenager. I've had an ingrowing toenail removed which I recall was a horrifically painful procedure. Elbow bursistis which saw my elbow balloon to twice, perhaps even thrice, its usual size. I've had many dental procedures including extractions and root canal work. I've had many injuries from contact sports, various cuts, bumps, bruises, grazes, and impact damage. I have several scars across my body from fights, falls, and fuck-ups. I've been hit by cars on two occasions. I've fallen out of trees, I've burned myself, I've poisoned myself, I've well and truly put my body through the ringer.

But can I eloquently explain any of the pain I experienced for any of these aforementioned incidents? No. I can tell you that I vividly remember thinking some of the pain was unbearable at the time, but I could not even begin to order them in terms of severity. Henceforth I have no true basis for comparison; I could attribute a theoretical financial price I would be willing to pay to abate the pain such as £100, however, again this is open to influence by my current financial standing. Next time I am in severe pain, perhaps I shall have more financial flexibility whereby £200 would be affordable, yet the pain is in actuality less than I am currently experiencing?



Nevertheless, I digress. If I were to rank my current pain on a scale of 1-10, I would place it squarely at around an 8. It is undoubtedly severe. Should I try to explain the pain in a meaningful way, I would likely say this: it is unrelenting, a pronounced throbbing, pulsing, pressure beneath my teeth, which spreads across the jaw and extends into the ear. The pain in my jaw feels like my teeth are expanding, and breaking apart; as though expanding foam has been injected into them, or a balloon is inflating inside them forcing them to slowly and forcibly split open like a popcorn kernel. The accompanying earache is no less crippling; there is a sharp, piercing sensation which intermittently ricochets deep into my ear canal, extending down my jawline toward my affected teeth. The pain is sufficient enough that I romanticise taking a pair of pliers and tearing the tooth from it's socket to alleviate the pain, expecting a sudden rush of euphoria as the pressure is relieved and the severity subsides instantly.


Over the past 48hrs I have grimaced, felt compelled to cry or scream in agony, and been unable to sleep or concentrate for prolonged periods; yet despite the excruciating pain that refuses to abate in spite of the copious amounts of paracetamol, ibuprofen, and benzocaine I consume, I envisage worse pain exists.

I just pray I never have to experience it, because this experience is traumatic enough.

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