DD #40

Should have me 3410 tomorrow - I hope so!

I've got a hand mobile holder, my Christening candle, and 2 photo frames.

Chris Riddell who illustrates Scribbleboy (my favourite book) is a class artist.

Went Webby's yesterday and let him txt Steph off my fone. I'm sound. Webby bought me a bracelet off his holiday in Spain. He's sound. 

Fatty is on bout buying my fone off me 4 £10. Smooth. Ang pisses me off. Today, Terry was tapin' some of me CD's and shouted Matt 4 his tea, but Matt was in our room and dint hear cuz the volume of the music so Ang gets Dad cut the electricity. I was halfway through making a character on Warzone which takes ages and it cut off so I wasted like 20 minutes and loadsa effort, the CD player cut off which cuda scratched me newest CD, Now 52. Also I had 2 reset the time on the video and my CD player. Then Ang realised she'd forgot to make the blancmange for the 2nd day on the trot, and then complained because Dad dint want burgers becuz she hadn't bought no baps. Her response was "well I was keepin the girls happy so I carnt remember everything and someone should remind me". She went Asda so she cuda got some baps neway and as for being reminded - you don't have to be reminded about everything to do it. That's no excuse at all. And when Matt was doing the dishes, Ang came and started putting them away cuz she was frittened Matt was gonna miss the footy. When was the last time she helped me with the dishes? Let me think - oh yeah - she never has!!

Watched American Pie earlier - gr8. But as if you'd get caught fucking an apple pie! This girl innit always says "and once at band camp..." followed by some dumb shit, like "we sing songs around a campfire" then when you least expecting it she says "oh yeah and once at band camp, I stuck my flute up my pussy" - gr8.

Can't think of much 2 say. I feel like drawing so I will.

This is a picture of Levi Toot by Chris Riddell, copied by me. Gr8 innit.

Decent programmes r comin on in a min so I'm going.

Whilst I wrote this Newcastle have hit 4 past Zeljeznicar - they wish.

So I'll write soon. See ya, twat mouth.

DD #39

What's happenin'?

I'm chillin' listening to Westwood.

I ain't havin' no Christmas or Birthday pressies cuz I'm going on holiday with Mum, Dawn, n Chris to Blackpool in October, and having a Nokia 3410 as an early Christmas present. I am high on life. Stace's broke another tape box by tipping water on it - fuckin' idiot. Can't wait for me 3410. I'm having it on Wednesday 28/08 - dope. Stace keeps Columbia in business. I got a hand phone holder today - Tez got some Tarot cards. Christine came onto me - getting her pussy out and telling me to touch it - I was like "put it away". That was bad. I sorted all the loft out today - now you can get in it - smooth.

Got Nan some Liquorice Allsorts for her birthday like usual.

Spoke 2 Webb d'other day he jus got back from Spain.

He sed nxt year I can go wit him if I pay my flight but it won't be happenin cuz I won't be able afford.

That's all I can think of, so I'll write soon.

DD #38

U just got over 12 pages left to fill n afta that dude u gone. I'm in a confused state. I want a good future but I wanna have some fun. So I can either knuckle down hard 2 ensure I get a good job or leave it part down to chance knowing I am clever.

I need to see some bitches with cute asses i.e. Mandy + Steph. I haven't seen a fit arse for like 4 weeks. I want to squeeze a soft pert ass. I need to let go of all this sexual tension. It's fucking up my head.

I can't think of much so that's where I'm gonna round it off. I'll write soon.

P.S. Does this sound dumbfuck or what? The Summer X Games 2002 started 2 days ago - 2nite they're showing the Summer X Games 2001 - where's the sense in that? Why don't they show X Games 2002? It's like playing World Cup 2002 in 2003. Dumb shit.

Oh, and I decorated your cover 2day - aren't I great?

DD #37

There is some shit I should discuss with ya but I canna be arsed. Ya know, like the fact my stitches came out 2day n the fact I don't gots an infection. Ya see, 2day I'm in a 'cudn't give a flying monkey shit' mood. I'm just high on life so talking about all the depressing bullshit just adds a downer to my day. I feel like spilling my fucking sad pathetic heart out through this pen but I can't ya know wot I'm saying?

Things get on ya balls n blag ya head but at the end of the day, u still u. Ya have days where no-one feels ya shit and u just mumble dumb shit all day, n u have days where ya low and depressed n vulnerable n whimpering on bout how you want ya bitch back n'all but ya gots to stick all the depressing bullcrap at the back of ya head and get the motivation to keep going and not give up. Not necessarily bottle it up but just don't wussy out like a pussywhipped bitch.

Have ya ever felt like letting it all out but you don't dunna no how 2 put it? Well that's called Ben's Block. I have 24-7. Yo I can't put it down raw and plain, that ain't ma style. I need to chill out with ma homies right now. I don't need a bitch. Ah always go on bout lovin' Steph n all that weak shit but thats not necessarily cuz ah luv her. It's cuz I'm feeling weak and ah just want 2 cuddle up to sum1. Yo like what up y'all n all that other shit like but in ma hood all eyes on ya. You show 1 sign of weakness and u be torn 2 pieces dog.

U have days where you wanna just release all ya pent up aggression. U wanna just go out n get in a fite so u can pummel the shit outta sum poor innocent fucka who don't even no wot he dun wrong. U like "hey u" n wen he looks atcha u like "wot ya lookin at? U try'n be cheeky?" Ah mean, slim down dogg. Ah don't need no damn pill or drug to go off on one but ah cud do wit some booze ya know - a couple of shots of whisky wud go down a treat. Yo if I ever publish this if I cum famous n'all. I wonder if it'd be branded like a video, or a porno mag, or a cassette...

I could list like over 500 people (girls/women) I'd fuck. Embarrassment is worse than death in itself. At least when you dead you got ya pride. When you wishin you could just sink into the floor your just pissed.

I'm tired but fuck bed. I'm stayin' up for a while longer. This pen's got ink n this books got pages to fill - I want to look back on this book as a symbol of my youth. Damn right there's some shit I regret - fucking Charlene - prime example.

I just wanna spread colour 2 the pages of this book but when I don't know what 2 do I just write Steph is fit. I couldn't ever say I hate her - in fact I think shes cute. I'd love to fuck her raw on the floor or on d bed, up a wall, in a bath, over a fridge, or in a lift but I know it ain't goin' happen. The way I feel is that she don't understand how much I love her. The one thing I can think what would show her how much she means to me would be to die for her.

My homie Webb - wonder how he's doin. He's probs chillin with a bit of porno on beating his shit but like I don't wanna go there. I feel like adding a bit of colour - let's improvise

Like fuck? That's the best I can come up with? Man that's lame. But it gave me time to think.

There are a lotta sick twisted psychotic motha fuckas out in da world. It's hard to tell if you perverted. Is wanting to fuck some bird perverted? Would watching her undress through her window be perverted? Is thinking about her all the time bad?

Fear is the next subject. If you ever scared - don't be - think. What is there to be scared about? Now this is gonna sound psychotic but this is my view. If I got told a huge meteor was heading towards Earth and I was gonna die - I wouldn't be that upset, let alone scared. What is there to be scared of? If you die, you die - (like no shit). What I mean is, if you gonna die - there's not a lot you can do about it. Get over it. You might aswell enjoy your last few hours than try to run off from the meteor.

Pain + Fear are 2 peas in a pod. They go together. Think about all your fears - they all based around pain. Your scared of pain? What's there to be scared of... Nothing. So get over it.

DD #36

 What up?

Don't ask how, but last time I wrote was the day after Laura's birthday - how did I manage 2 forget that? I didn't even mention it. It reminds me of not mentioning Steph and me going on holiday about a year ago to Prestatyn.

But ne way - that's the past now. I'm just in one of the 'don't give a fuck' moods ya know what I'm sayin? Eminem does that for ya u know. Like if ya ever pissed just flip in a tape and trip to the lyrics of the king of white rappers - He's so off da wall it's untrue. If ya on a downer just insert here and spin 360° onto a permanent upper. If ya frowning as soon as ya trippin to the words over the beat of pure class it spins 180° to become a smile. Just listening 2 him now makes ya happy. He don't half speak some dumb shit but it does the fuckin' job! Though he is misunderstood I can relate 2 his pain he's one top bloke. He can express your feelings over any beat or melody. He can stick his finger on anything and cuss n diss the holy shit outta any fucker who duz as little as breathes in his direction. He's my idol. He kicks ass! I'd give virtually n e fing to meet him. People say people are nothing like they're portrayed as but if Eminem is as he's portrayed that's fine with me. If I could I'd love to duet with him ya know what I'm sayin - up on da stage dissin every mutha fucka who's ever pissed me off. People say he needs help - mentally - I say fuck you. - you have no idea what you are on about - he is the greatest entertainer ever. People dislike his sense of humour and his views and opinions or the way he speaks so freely about rape, murder + drugs but people must see this as decent music else he would still be rapping on corners in detroit. Dre and Eminem r 2 peas in a pod. They have the same style - the same skill about them. Ya know that they both r class but I prefer Eminem. In his words - you may think he's a pistol packin drug addict who bags on his mama but its just him. That's the way he is. Whatever I feel like after rollin to Eminem I'm so high on life I'd never need to pop an upper.

The words just flow from da face hole like rivers flow from da sea. It just keeps coming. Every track hes penned n every verse hes ever freestyled is one of the best I've ever heard. It's just the way he does. He can even cover songs with twisted verses. Take Our House 4 instance. Gr8 bumpin tune to kick 2 now add some funny lyrics about rape, drugs, murder + sluts. Then you get Eminems style of Our House. It's gr8. Ya know?

There r only a few things in this world that I'd class as entertainment - the main 1 is the one that ups u went ya down n makes ya smile thats...

GOD ITS GOOD

DD #35

What's goin down?

I no longer have a big testicle, yeah bitch. I had it reduced a couple of days ago. I don't want to talk bout it though. I went in had it done + came out. They think I've got an infection which will just require a course of antibiotics. I just thought I'd let you know. It's a bit hard walk - not that hard - just a bit. I've got stitches in + have to wear a jockstrap but I'll live.

I've bought Now 52 + Hero by Chad Kroeger + Josey Scott. Now I can only think of 3 songs I want:

Will Smith - Black Suits Comin' (nod ya head)

The Calling - Wherever You Will Go

Linkin Park - High Voltage/Points of Authority

I'm just listening to Now 52 now. It's gr8.

I'm going on Music 2000 in a minute to lay down some decent tracks.

I'll write soon.

C ya.

P.S. Terry bought Lord of the Rings on video + we watched it yesterday - buzzin!

DD #34

I got up this morning and had some toast becuz all the cereal had been eaten. Managed to burn my hand lighting the grill. We went out 2 the cafe 4 dinner and all just had an ice cream sundae. I had a strawberry one. We waited 4 over 1/2 an hour and Dad said they're called sundaes because you don't get them till Sunday!

After that Dad, Ang, Tez + the girls went the beach + I came back the caravan get the buckets 'n' spades. Then I locked it up + took the stuff down the beach. I remade Benhenge + took a photo whilst the others collected shells. Then Tez + Dad built a great big castle + we took a few photos of that and Spam made a cheap + nasty castle and we had a photo of that.

Then it started to rain so we packed up + went back to the caravan. Sam smashed up the big castle + so did Toni. Emma was miffed cuz her 'Cherry Pies' were destroyed. We had a photo already but she was still pissed off bout it. When we got to the caravan we decided wot we wanted 4 tea + went cafe. I had chilli con carne, rice + tortilla chips again. Terry was gonna have sausage + mash agen but he ended up not having it for some dumb reason. Then halfway through the meal I spat a bit when I spoke 2 Sam so she spat all over me so I ain't speaking to her - devil child.

After, we went shop + bought souvenirs. We got Mum, Dawn + Christine a cup each, Christine a pendant, + Fatty a bag of sweets + the rock we've already got for them. Tez bought a puppy ornament. I lost a quid by dropping all my money on the floor - clumsy twat. Then we went rumble tumble after buying a slush puppy. We were there 4 like 2 seconds + it was closing time. So we came back caravan.

I packed me suitcase ready 4 going home 2mora. I just need pack a few more things.

I heard some decent music other than Dido in the cafe earlier. I heard Shooting Star, the Logical Song, + Forever. I want them on CD. I got £20 now so I shud get em all. 

That's all I can think of other than the fact that I may not rite 4 a while. If I don't, then don't be offended it'll be cuz I'm occupied elsewhere.

C u soon.

P.S. 3 days to operation.

P.P.S. Steph Hand is 100% fit.

DD #33

Yo homie - whats happenin'? How u doin boy?

Woke up + had some Hunny B winnie the pooh cereal. Like well nice. That was at like 10-o-clock.

We decided to go Rhyl + b4 long it was gone 12-dinner time. We had some sarnies. Ang fucked up + gave me her dinner - fool. She's done that so many times it's like a hobby 4 her. Then we had some seabrook crisps, a teacake + sommet else - I can't remember wot.

Ne way - after dinner we got ready + went Rhyl in the torrential rain I told ya bout last nite. We went the SeaQuarium (Sea Life Centre) and the girls managed to create holy hell. Sam spat in one of the tanks. I touched an alive Starfish + Crab. Saw a red bellied piranha - famously know for travelling in swarms and skinning people to the bones - well decent.

Then I bought a BB Gun called The Fox of the Desert - like what sort of fuckin stupid name is that for a gun? The fox of the desert - whoa man it's so scary - huh? The fuck. As Laura Toni would say "soopid poo poo" as that's her new phrase like.

Then we went to the Knights Cafe in the Fun Palace Amusement Arcade. I had some sausage + chips. Me n Tez went to run back down the shop cuz I wanted more BB's cuz I realised the ones I had wouldn't last long, and Tez wanted a gun. We ran - by God we ran. I was fucking knackered by the time I reached the closed shutters - yep that's right - the shop was closed. Because my BB Gun would've fell I had to carry it in my hand as I ran and every1's reaction was so funny as I ran past holding a gun - it must've looked like I'd just assassinated someone or sommet else like.

Neway I got some BB's - 1000 for £2.60 from elsewhere. Tez got the same gun as me for £1 cheaper - jammy twat. I bought some candy floss (now all been eaten) and also some sweets + rock from the shop on the way back. We went straight rumble tumble + Tez beat me at pool. I managed to pot black 3rd ball overall - my 1st ball. Wot a joke!

Then I went in rumble tumble after the girls - gr8 fun running through ball pits chasing them, sliding down a tunnel that stunk of piss in pursuit - what fun! Then we came back to the caravan - but not b4 Tez got Laura's B/D present from Everydays. It's like a labrador teddy like. We came back and watched Lock-Up with Sylvester Stallone - class and then I did the dishes then wrote this.

I'm kinda knackered and fancy a rest so I better go soon. I'm just gonna waffle on about some dumb shit to finish this page off - no I'm not - I just remembered somet I can rite bout.

This card like was about some Italian in Wales n about his accent affecting him. He asked 4 a piss of toast + fock on the table + a shit on his bed - the fock!?

Text Mum earlier to tell her what's been going down round here + txt Steph c if Webby had asked her out yet. She didn't reply which I'm not happy about. I've only got £25 left! I spent £15 2day! Ne way now I've run outta things to say I'm gonna just sit and let all my thoughts and feelings pour out onto this very page.

I remember my bed nice + comfy waiting 4 me at home. I remember all the intimate moments I've shared with Steph. I remember all the laughs I've had with Webby. Then I remember that I'm young and fulla spunk. Bring it on u horny lasses!

L8rs