Saturday, 11 May 2013

Letters to Ilysha #1

Dear Ilysha,

Today I got to see you again.

I saw you on the bus first, you were in your pram laying peacefully. I had to choke back tears, those big beautiful eyes and that little gummy smile - nothing could've prepared me to see you once more. You were as perfect as I remembered. At the Contact Centre you peered out of your pram at me smiling cheekily as you came into the room where I was waiting. I was so impatient to hold you and so nervous about upsetting you; I was just scared you wouldn't know me anymore.

Your Mummy sat you on the floor leaning against her legs; your big beautiful eyes scouted the area, looking around and finally settling on me. My heart melted all over again. Mummy passed you her keys, and you sat sucking on her keyrings and looking at me inquisitively. I was holding your feet and it must've tickled because you kept giggling and smiling at me. Mummy passed you a blue wrist band and you discarded the keys in favour of sucking and drooling over the wrist band. I went and fetched a small green ball and sat rolling it to you - you kept trying to pick it up in one hand but the ball was too big, and you kept dropping it hehe. I picked it up and juggled it from hand to hand in front of you - you kept following it with your eyes and trying to reach for it. I passed it you and you clutched it with both hands, before trying to eat it hehe :')

I held my hand out and you clutched my thumb; I wrapped my hand around yours and you squeezed tightly. Next you played with a little 4-key coloured piano. I was playing the sounds, and you kept leaning forward and resting your face on the red key. It was so cute and funny :') - the sounds kept you looking around confused and amused trying to figure out where they were coming from. We lay you on a play mat with a blue hanging ball with a bell in it - you kept trying to grab it but your fingertips just brushed the edge. The ball would swing and you'd chuckle and kick your legs, so energetic. I rustled the crinkly flaps on the playmat and you decided you'd quite like to eat them too hehe. As you drooled all over the crinkly flaps, I discovered a button that made the noise of a red clown nose - the noise really amused you, and you'd look at me and giggle every time I pressed it!

I lifted you up and sat you on my knee - Mummy took your socks off and you had a little yellow ankle bracelet on. You were fascinated with my logo on my shirt, and kept stroking it and staring at it. I lifted you up and you rested your head on my shoulder looking up at me smiling. I looked down at you amazed at how perfect you were, and at how welcoming and loving. I stood you upright and looked into your eyes whilst sticking my tongue out - you kept smiling and stroking my cheeks which really made me smile. I cuddled you close and you rested your head on my shoulder and wrapped your arms around my neck hugging me affectionately. I never wanted that moment to end.

I sat you back on my knee and you were looking around at all the other children and adults curiously. But then you looked straight back at me and smiled. A smile meant just for me. I sat you at the playmat and laughed as you wrestled with the ball and used your legs to push the support bars down, which then sprang back up and made you giggle. I needed the toilet so Mummy placed a big cushion behind you - as I came back Mummy was taking you have your bum changed. She brought you back in and you sat on Mummy's knee with your arms reaching out towards me. I picked you up and held you in front of me, smiling uncontrollably at how perfect you are.

Mummy passed you a purple plastic spoon and you began to eat it, drooling every where hehe. I mopped your chin and you giggled at me, looking at me with them big beautiful blue eyes. I lifted you up and kept holding you in the air, you looked down at me chuckling, and grinning as I lifted you high then brought you back down and eskimo kissed your little button nose. I stood up and held you up in the air, carrying you around making airplane noises, and you giggled all the while. I laid you on your back in my arms and looked down at you in awe, as your eyes followed the spotlights on the ceiling. I carried you around the room, holding you up to the lights as you were mesmerized by them, you wouldn't look away.

I passed you back to Mummy as she wanted a little hold, she played Row Row Your Boat and you loved it, but I didn't dare be so rough with you - you seemed so fragile despite being a big girl already. Then Mummy carried you over to a lamp up the corner and turned it on - once more you were fascinated with the lights and kept reaching out for them. We lay you back down on the playmat so Mummy could try give you a little drink out of your bottle and you once more reached up for the ball and wrested with the crinkly flaps - you loved the noise they made. Mummy opened up your dungarees and put some vicks on you whilst you were having a drink, because she said you were a little bit laid up - then she gave you your dummy, with a pretty little clip, with your name on the beads on the cord. I never doubted that Mummy would look after you and spoil you.

We could tell you were getting tired. I picked you up and cradled you against my chest. You rested your head peacefully on my shoulder, once more clutching my neck tightly. I think I hugged you tighter though... :) - I rocked you and danced with you whilst you chuckled to yourself. You kept stroking my face, and I couldn't help but smile every time you did it. Then you'd smile back at me, and I'd have to put your dummy back in as it fell out hehe. I walked around holding you and talking to you whilst you gazed back at me so affectionately. You were very quiet, and Mummy said she thought you were getting tired so I agreed to let her put you in your pram since it was almost time for you to leave. I didn't want you to be upset, or distressed.

Me and Mummy got your little cute white hoody on, but you started crying and Mummy laid you into your pram with little tears running down your cheeks. Mummy pushed you back and forward in the pram, and before long you'd fallen asleep.

I got another little cheeky goodbye though, because you were on the same bus as Daddy when he went home hehe, and you were back awake - as I got off the bus I gave you a little kiss and told you I'd see you soon my little Princess. And then I had to leave you once again, overwhelmed with love, but heartbroken to have to go.

I can't wait to see you again next week Princess, and I love you more than anything.

Daddy <3 x x x

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