An overview of opinions and observations for the month.
01/05/2013 @01:42
Predicting this choice will be regretted
tomorrow, but there is no doubt that right now, it's not a choice I have any
real control over. Let the last episode of Dexter commence...
01/05/2013 @02:40
/7
01/05/2013 @09:25
"I want to dance, I want to dance.../
I want lust & love & a
smattering of romance."
01/05/2013 @13:35
"And then I catch myself.../
Catching your scent on someone
else."
01/05/2013 @22:27
In my eyes, my heart, and my mind, I have two
children. Ilysha, and Charlie; my blood, and my water... ♥
01/05/2013 @22:33
Two reasons I'm not leaving.
01/05/2013 @22:49
I don't know why so I could never explain.../
But I promise you
Ilysha, you're my everything.
♥
[https://soundcloud.com/anothab/i-will-go]
01/05/2013 @23:14
Wank and an early night I think.
01/05/2013 @23:33
How fast time flies, 3yrs ago I was handing in
my Final Dissertation for University which got me a 2.1 degree in Computer
Games Design and an official "BSc" at the end of my name. Madness. Best of
luck to all you University students out there who are preparing to hand in
your own dissertations.
[https://www.dropbox.com/s/6v99kl1tenumyb0/Final%20Dissertation.PDF]
02/05/2013 @00:55
"You will always be a part.../
Of my patched up, patchwork, taped up,
tape deck heart."
02/05/2013 @09:17
"So I sat down in my sadness, beneath your window.../
And I played sad
songs on the minor keys of a broken piano."
♥
02/05/2013 @10:41
"It gets dark sometimes. I know it does. I'm right there with you. But do
not, under any circumstances, give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you
ragequit. They don't deserve it. Play other, better moves – and consider
your long game."
02/05/2013 @12:55
Just come from my meeting with YMCA Relationship
Services who are arranging my access with my daughter Ilysha... just 9 more
days until I get to see my little beautiful princess for the first time since
Nov 23rd... :') - Daddy loves you ♥
02/05/2013 @18:18
Convenient how the adverts on Youtube never have
to buffer, yet the videos you actually want to watch do.
02/05/2013 @19:04
Today warrants a cold pint in the Moorland beer
garden. Anybody fancying it?
02/05/2013 @22:21
Think I'll curl up and watch Jack Reacher with a
naughty pizza... :)
02/05/2013 @23:02
"Cause I don't love her like I used to.../
So to get back at me, she
knows she gotta use you.../
And I don't know what else to do.../
She
don't understand that this shit will bruise you too."
03/05/2013 @00:42
Hahahaha! I literally jumped!
03/05/2013 @08:09
Commitment means remaining loyal, no matter
what.
03/05/2013 @08:17
Hell Friday, mighty good to have you back... :D
I've put it all behind me 'cause I've found what was missing.
♥
5 months straight you wouldn't even let me see her!!/
And they tell me to swallow it? Accept the past?!/
Yet I choke on the hate that you fed so fast!!
Felt belief enter me, my daughter was sent to me.../
The blessing of the century; all of you should envy me.../
A miracle so heavenly, my love for her has set me free.../
Embracing my destiny; I'm giving her the best of me.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/16778757-hurricane]
Back home from Pure Gym, rinsed.
Falling in love is the easy part.
In exactly 1 week, I'll be holding my Princess once more :') ♥
"And we pretty much amazing!"
♥ [with Kym Archbold]
And I am not the one to be bargaining with.../
That just make me wanna go and put my palms on that bitch!/
I swear this shit ain't even right brah.../
I ain't even got the chance to change your fucking diaper.../
This is what I get for going raw when I piped her.../
Thinking that I loved her, when I shouldn't of even liked her!/
But I do not regret my child.../
Stupid bitch I just wanna see my child!/
Do what you may, but you will never make me bow!"
She's trying to hurt me, and want's to see me cry.../
Trying to break me, and I don't know why?/
I accept I ain't the perfectest of guys.../
But still I try just to make it all alright.../
It's like she needs to see my suffering to thrive.../
For my daughter though, I swear I will survive.../
I won't die like my ex seems to want me to.../
I'll overcome everything that I'm going through.../
Ilysha you're my world, and I promise I will honour you.../
Nothing and nobody will ever stop me from holding you.
04/05/2013 @23:27
#beastmode
Bath and then bed, tonight can fuck itself right off.
#ragequit
05/05/2013 @08:54
It's always fun getting grief off people for
no reason whatsoever. I've learned over time, that when people go out of
their way to insult you or bring you down, it's jealousy. Haters gon' hate.
I aren't angry, I'm embarrassed for them. #growup
But fuck this stupid bitch, I just wanna see my child."
"I've been that kid, written that chapter.../ Moved on quick now I'm living what's after.../ Lived for the laughter, the weekend sessions.../ Hangovers, comedowns, the pretend lessons.../ Repeated those infamous words of "never again".../ Felt stuck in that cycle forever my friend."
Now they're telling me to face her, this traitor?/
And swallow back sickening tastes that she catered.../
Pretend it's all rosy, even though I fucking hate her!?/
but I'll try it for you Princess.../
Because I know that it's in your best interests.
I'm giving you my all...
and never nothing less, Princess.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/17197599-never-nothing-less]
"Mash up the place!"
*armchair raving* haha ♥
Banshee is the dogs bollocks.
[with Mathew Tabbinor]
[with Rob Lowe, Emma Lemon and Steve Davies]
[http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4917451/Nursery-toddlers-rescued-in-road.html]
Only one thing on this planet that could stop this pain of course.../
Simply put, that's my daughter.../
Trust me if you saw her, you'd see why I adore her.../
Why I'm not running for the borders.../
Why I'd do anything at all for her.../
She's my sunshine, through the dark days.../
Home is with her, cause with her is where my heart stays.
[https://soundcloud.com/anothab/i-will-go]
But with you it's worth it.../
Will never let my fuse short circuit.../
Never let you fall and bruise your surface.../
Forever prove my purpose.../
We never choose this circus.../
But I'll be a clown for you.../
Around for you, as sure as the Earth is.
[https://soundcloud.com/anothab/lullaby]
Through each emotion there's no doubt in my mind.../
One look in their eyes and I know I'll be fine.../
I'll never stopping trying to make our worlds all align.../
And I know in my mind it's just a matter of time.../
My fate is my design, every detail I define.../
With this light in my life I refuse to resign.../
You're gonna have to sack me or kill me.../
I will never quit on this gift that fulfils me...
I've got my blood and my water.../
That's my Son and my Daughter.../
And I'd doing anything for ya.../
The way your Father ought'a.
♥
[https://soundcloud.com/anothab/anotha-b-blood-water]
That crinkle face smile always melts my heart.../
And I knew from the start, I'd do whatever it takes.../
To keep that smile in place; to not make mistakes.
:') ♥
[https://soundcloud.com/anothab/like-my-own]
08/05/2013
I literally can't wait for Saturday ♥ #reunited
[http://jalopnik.com/this-is-what-you-get-when-yo-combine-a-vw-gti-with-an-a-498558216]
I plant seeds of doubt, with no way out from the karma.../
They say you reap what you sow, so I'm a certified farmer.../
In my field of dreams though I'm wearing my armour.
A Cannabis addiction I refused to acknowledge.../
Developed that one further and got hooked on Cocaine.../
And guess what? - every one I overcame!!
Mo Farah couldn't match my flow when I rap.
Bringing baby mama drama till my breathing stops.../
Although I owe her props; I guess it's sort of strange.../
I can't deny the fact that she forced a change.
Found my way back and I'm not the kinda rebel that I was back then.../
Changed lots fast when.../
My daughter was conceived, now I'm not "that" Ben.../
I'm a Father, regardless of lies and deception.../
I've fought to be that since the time of conception.../
So I'll surrender to all torture.../
To be immortal in the eyes of my daughter.
So now I volunteer for loneliness to not repeat the past.
I dream of what we could have been if we had played it different.../
In that hindsightful wisdom,
the kind that makes us question our decisions.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/16263906-unfinished-business]
Love is truly natural; never something you create.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/14926895-love-is]
10/05/2013
Why you kicked out hotel bro? @c_j_bostock
You're his Princess, no-one above you.../
And Dear Ilysha, Daddy's here too.../
Wishing time stopped, when he sees you.
The most fitting song for my relationship with my Ilysha... ♥
"I'd give up forever to touch you.../
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow.../
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.../
And I don't want to go home right now.../
And all I can taste is this moment.../
And all I can breathe is your life.../
'Cause sooner or later it's over.../
I just don't want to miss you tonight.../
And I don't want the world to see me.../
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.../
When everything's made to be broken.../
I just want you to know who I am."
♥
11/05/2013 @16:09
I'm such an emotional mess right now.
11/05/2013 @19:03
Best get myself showered & prepped ready
for a few celebratory jars with the lads... :)
11/05/2013 @19:47
"Whatever the weather, we gon' be better together!"
♥
Holding my breath in a stressful situation.../
But nothing could prepare me for sensations.../
I'd feel on the day that I'd been anticipating.../
I was waiting round for you.../
Your pretty eyes met mine as I saw you.../
I melted, choking back the tears I'd fought through.../
Reminding me how much that I love and adore you.../
Impatient to hold you tight in my arms.../
You looked at me and smiled and my world fell calm.
found what I was searching for.../
Daddy finally got back his daughter,
after all the hurt and war.../
I've had to move mountains,
and sometimes I deserved to fall.../
But there's never any doubting,
Princess you were worth it all.
That your Mum would explode like a teen grenade.../
Or you wouldn't know me, and would get distressed.../
That you'd reject my love and I would get depressed.../
Instead I stood impressed at the love you expressed.../
The way that you kept your head rested on my chest.../
It was the best... same time next week.../
I'm counting down the seconds till the next time we meet.../
The time we spent together keeps playing on repeat.../
Just the thought of you near and my heart skips a beat.../
You're my Princess Ilysha and no-one can compete.../
The jigsaw piece that makes my life complete.
♥
12/05/2013 @23:45
Just finished the first season of Breaking
Bad... (Y)
13/05/2013 @10:43
Got my drugs test in about 20mins, I think I'm
going to stick Scarface on for some background noise whilst they do what
they need to do.
13/05/2013 @18:25
I've got an awesome bald patch from my drugs
test... #zidane
13/05/2013 @20:27
"I'd do you, if you wanted? If I had to make a top ten of women I know
that I would do, you'd be in that list. Number seven, alright. Seriously.
Do you want to get a drink sometime?"
13/05/2013 @21:34
You're my Princess Ilysha and no-one can compete.../
The jigsaw
piece that makes my life complete.../
From your head to your feet,
perfectly unique.../
Perfectly perfect... perfection at it's
peak.
♥
13/05/2013 @22:26
Perfectly perfect, perfection at it's peak.
♥
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/17291128-worth-it-all]
13/05/2013 @23:32
"You'd do it with a foreign fella wouldn't you? Chinese fellas, what
about the Chinese fellas? Cause they've not got a great reputation as
lovers, but they must be doing something right cause there's billions of
'em."
14/05/2013 @01:58
Just woke up hyperventilating! In my dream a
girl I know woke me up having a panic attack - she climbed onto the bed with
me and I could her her rapid breaths and could tell she was terrified of
something, and the sound of her panicking made my heart start to race and I
was struggling to catch my own breath and I pulled the bed cover from over
my face and I saw a look of genuine fear in her eyes and then she screamed
in terror and I woke up... proper fucked up!!
14/05/2013 @12:36
Absolutely love these.
[http://www.happyplace.com/topic/got-recap-season-3/newest]
14/05/2013 @20:41
I get goosebumps listening to some of the
lyrics in this ♥
Pure Gym is my drug, & I need my fix!!
I literally don't even have the words... the audacity of some people knows no bounds!!
It feels so fucking good being in control of a situation that had been out of my hands for so long... :')
"You're running out of time.../
I came to take what's mine.../
If you think I'm stepping aside.../
You're losing your mind, losing your mind!!"
You're worth every drop of the tears, blood and sweat.../
The weight on my shoulders, the fears and the stress.../
I'm giving you my all... and never nothing less, Princess.
♥
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/17197599-never-nothing-less]
Now your trying to escape from the shitstorm you caused!?/
Fuck that!! You're going down with the ship.../
You made your fucking bed, so fucking lie down in it!
Knocking back Birthday buds with the old man :)
[with Chris Scott]
Ehrmagerd... this is shocking. Talk about massively stereotyping a gender. Real female geeks will be disgusted...
[http://www.cc4g.net/]
now they're telling me to face her, this traitor.../
And swallow back sickening tastes that she's catered,
pretend it's all rosy, even though I fucking hate her.
But I'll try it for you Princess.../
Because I know that it's in your best interests.
♥
Unexpectedly uneventful... I'm proud of myself for staying focused on what is important, and not getting sidetracked on scoring points. [feeling Proud]
I've just watched Skint, and fucking good Jesus... for starters I'd slap that Callum silly if I was his old dear!
Especially when the situation regards trust."
#Euroz
[feeling invincible]
[feeling blessed]
we're left living in the ditches./
Fighting for scraps and behaving like we're bitches./
If it scratches then we itch it./
Society is broken we should fix it.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/17357221-contrast]
Earlier today my 3yr old Godson picked a weed in my garden, stood looking at it closely and then came out with "oh yes, this is wonderful" haha!! He's never right!
[with Dawn Wheels Owen and Sheila Scott]
Back to drifting through days, counting down to the weekend - but probably not for the same reason as most people.
[feeling impatient]
Fucking stupid app spamming fuck out my twitter feed. #Tribez
"Tell me that you want me!
Tell me that you need me!"
♥
Absolutely love this song ♥
[feeling determined]
I'm getting this round in, I'll have a white coffee with two sugars, plus an extra big mug of Today Can Go Fuck Itself.
[feeling grateful]
[feeling determined]
Shower, shredded wheat & coffee, and a ciggie ready for lots of fun at SPIP from 10am.
[feeling meh]
[feeling loved]
23/05/2013 @00:00
Violence only begets more violence; stop
fueling an already burning fire. He killed him, so I killed them, and then
we killed those, and then... then what? We'll all be dead. What's the
fucking point really? Yes, it's disgusting, sickening and shocking what has
happened - however attacking and blaming innocent people based on "guilty by
association" is just retarded. If I was mauled to death by a dog tomorrow,
would you all rally up and go out and kill other dogs in protest? No, of
course you fucking wouldn't. So I'll tell you what - sit back down on your
sofa with a brew and a ciggy, and grow the fuck up. Try looking at the big
picture instead of being narrow minded racists begging any reason to justify
being a violent cunt. Thank you and goodnight.
23/05/2013 @00:16
Not the best recording, really bad switch
where vocal tracks are mixed towards the end... but meh.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/17357221-contrast]
23/05/2013 @13:32
Well, this looks familiar.
23/05/2013 @20:34
Final episode of S3... thoroughly addicted.
#BrBa
23/05/2013 @23:48
From where I'm sat, it seems inevitable that
children will always complicate any intimate relationships in my life.
24/05/2013 @08:17
Well would you look at that, it's Christmas
Eve again already. That means tomorrow I get my present, and that's my
daughters presence in my present... :')
24/05/2013 @18:18
Suffering massively from gym withdrawal.
24/05/2013 @19:34
Vikings theme tune on Breaking Bad S04E03 (Y)
24/05/2013 @21:53
Undeniably addicted.
[watching Breaking
Bad]
24/05/2013 @23:58
Friday night for me consisted of doing my
laundry, cooking a nice meal, washing a weeks worth of dishes, lifting some
weights and watching 7 episodes of Breaking Bad. Now bed is calling me
impatiently to go and starfish in preparation for another lovely Saturday
morning seeing my Princess... :')
[feeling comfortable]
25/05/2013 @08:24
Glorious sunshine and seeing my Ilypie? Oh
yes, that will ding dang do for me! :) ♥
25/05/2013 @09:03
From happy to gutted in one phone call.
[feeling
blah]
25/05/2013 @14:02
On days like today with the sun shining and
fuck all to do, it sucks to be skint!
25/05/2013 @14:51
Gone are the days, of making excuses.../
Along with self loathing
and feeling so useless.../
I found my strength, brushed cement from
my laces.../
Broke both restraining chains, and got regaining my
patience.../
Now I'm... forward moving, always musing, never
snoozing, never losing.../
Proving my improvements cruising down the
routes I'm choosing.../
Find every bruise amusing, refuse to let bad
news affect my mood and.../
Brush off the dirt from my shoulders like
there's nothing to it.../
I can do this - I'm moving through it like
I was born to do it...
Life's a movie, grab your popcorn,
brews, booze - come watch me prove it.
25/05/2013 @18:27
Note to self, don't try catching empty
Budweiser bottles whilst on a trampoline, just stopped one with my tooth!
25/05/2013 @22:04
Hmm, can't stop my mind wandering lately... :)
26/05/2013 @12:14
Looking forward to seeing my lil' man today,
at least I'll get to see one of my kids this weekend :') ♥
26/05/2013 @13:39
Gearing up to take lil man to the park :) ♥
27/05/2013 @02:22
Proper bantering how you do after drinking
wine! :)
[with Stace Lewis and Mark Jones]
27/05/2013 @09:38
That fun moment when you wake up in somebody
elses house needing a piss and have to complete a challenge to use the
bathroom.
27/05/2013 @13:44
My new chat up line "I'll give you £100 then
you go on a date with me, then pay me the £ 100 back". Yeah, that should
work. #whatapipe
27/05/2013 @19:02
Fuck TV.
[with Mark Jones]
27/05/2013 @19:14
It's really okay, there's not much else to say.
I guess I lost a
part of me somewhere along the way?/
I changed; it's strange, but
something still remains./
The sky's still blue through the stained
window panes./
Inside though it rains every once in a while.../
Loneliness
eats away from behind my empty smile./
But there's no more denial,
I'm simply paying the cost./
The price of the debt, for the piece
that I've lost.
27/05/2013 @23:57
I'll never stop tryin' to make our worlds all align -
& I know
in my mind it's just a matter of time.
♥ Ilysha & Charlie ♡
28/05/2013 @08:33
Full volume dubstep at this hour, that's how
it's done.
28/05/2013 @13:12
Don't waste today worrying about yesterday, or
wondering about tomorrow. Yesterday has been and gone. Tomorrow may never
come. But today is a blank canvas ready to be filled. Carpe diem.
28/05/2013 @18:26
Okay, so I've watched 54 episodes (around
40hrs of viewing) of Breaking Bad in 3 weeks. I'm now fully up to date.
What's next? #marathon
28/05/2013 @19:08
Roll on this weekend, from finishing work on
Friday all the way through until Sunday night I get to see some of the
people I care about most. Happy days.
[feeling awesome]
28/05/2013 @21:52
"I’m tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every
day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters,
wives and daughters for their family "honor;" of Muslims rioting over some
slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they
aren’t "believers;" of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims
stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery;" of Muslims
mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because
the Qur’an and Shari’a law tells them to."
- Robert A. Hall, US Marine Vietnam Veteran [http://tartanmarine.blogspot.co.uk/2009/02/robert.html]
28/05/2013 @22:48
Skint actually does make me angry. £1600 a
month for having 5 kids, rent and council tax paid for them, and sitting
tattooing each other. What a fucking joke this country is.
28/05/2013 @23:09
Fucking raging here! Not going Court fight
over your 9 month old daughter?! Sort ya fucking head out lad! Some people
GRRR. Swear man, I'm spewing!! Tell you what yeah, shit like this makes me
so fucking grateful for everything I've got in my life, and so reassured I
made the right choice in sorting my life out! What the fuck is wrong with
these people!? So many people out there burying their pissing heads in the
sand and behaving like utter PRICKS for no reason! Sort your fucking shit
out and give your fucking heads a wobble!! If your life is shit, then stop
begging it! Instead of griping about it, fucking do something about it!
JOKERS! #skint
29/05/2013 @09:16
Being happy is a conscious decision. It is the
decision to brush off all the negativity and to let go of all the worries
and stress. It is choosing to smile, and focus on your blessings, even when
the world around you is falling apart. Every day will bring reasons to
complain and reasons to cry; but also reasons to be grateful and reasons to
smile.
[feeling happy]
29/05/2013 @13:57
Here’s a crazy idea, since you don’t actually
know anything about using CMDLET Shells for updating Global Settings
Transport Rules within SMTP Exchange environments, how about you stop
getting involved and go make me a coffee instead? People are actually trying
to work here.
29/05/2013 @22:38
Tonight I had a really awkward but special
moment. It's hard to appreciate unless you are fully aware of the situation,
but my beautiful little Godson Charlie looked up at me with those big blue
eyes and asked me if I was his Daddy :') - it caught me off guard and I
didn't really know how to respond since his real Dad is a waste and has
nothing to do with him, plus I do think of him like my own Son. I asked him
if he wanted me to be his Daddy and he said yes, and it just really made me
feel happier than words could explain. The fact that I obviously mean that
much to him, that he looks up to me, and thinks of me as his Father figure.
Broke my heart in so many ways. I wouldn't swap him for the world ♥
29/05/2013 @23:01
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/17197599-never-nothing-less]
29/05/2013 @23:36
I love film trailers and DVD adverts, they're
like a tutorial on what to download for free.
[watching something I
downloaded for free]
30/05/2013 @00:10
The awkward moment when the EDL get themselves
right on Anonymous' radar again! Now Anonymous (the hacktivist group who I
absolutely love) are Pastebinning EDL leaders, members and donors personal
information including mobile numbers, home addresses, email addresses etc!!
#OpEDL #LENG #@Anonymous
30/05/2013 @01:16
You can quit now, of course you can. You can
give up, surrender, throw in the towel and concede defeat. But you can also
remember why you started in the first place. You can remind yourself of how
far you've already come, how many obstacles you've already overcome, and how
good it feels proving the doubters wrong. You can quit now, of course you
can. But I hope you know that you're better than that. The path to your goal
is often difficult, and you either want it enough or you don't.
30/05/2013 @18:55
Payday; money goes in, money goes out,
countdown until next payday begins.
30/05/2013 @20:33
Did you know that you can hire a hitman for
less than £8k? You better ensure the people you piss off are broke.
30/05/2013 @21:14
Everybody knows that eating clean doesn't
apply on a payday. #duttykebab
30/05/2013 @22:42
If you are a white girl, who speaks lyk dis
blad ya get me famalam you need to #LENG yourself off sharpish.
30/05/2013 @23:30
Haha #LENG!
[feeling fresh]
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