Letters to Ilysha #3

Dear Ilysha,

Lately I can't stop thinking about you. More than usual.

I thought that seeing you would make things easier, that it would make me miss you less - but instead every second we spend together makes me miss you all the more every second that we are apart.

You are the best thing in your Daddy's life, you are the rainbow after every rainstorm, the dawn after every dusk, and the light at the end of every tunnel. I live for the moments we spend together, those magical couple of hours that make every other day of the week worthwhile.

My life had a big empty space in it until you were born, no direction and no purpose - I was simply existing. Since your birth, I feel alive for the first time, and I know why I'm on this Earth. I'm here to look after you and protect you. To love you and raise you. I'm here to spoil you and to help you be the perfect little Princess you are. Daddy's little angel.

I catch myself daydreaming about the future - a future I never used to believe in. I imagine seeing you cut your first tooth, seeing you walk for the first time, and hearing you call me Dada. I imagine you waking up in the morning and me making us breakfast, I imagine tucking you up at night and singing you lullabies, and I imagine getting up in the night to give you your bottle. I love the thought of taking you to the park, going to the zoo, the museum and the fair. I imagine teaching you how to write, how to ride a bike, teaching you to swim. I love the thought of picking you up from school and of hearing about your day. I can't wait to be that proud Daddy at Parents Evening's and at Sports Days, telling everyone "that's my little Princess" with the biggest proudest smile on my face. I want to be there when you have your heartbroken for the first time to wipe those tears away, I want to be there to walk you down the aisle when you meet that special someone - I want to be there every step of your life, through every moment, proud to call you my own. My daughter. My Princess.

I can't wait for you to meet my little Godson Charlie, he's going to be like a brother to you when you're bigger - I already know you're going to love each other so much, because you're both perfect. My own little boy and girl - my Soldier and my Princess. Daddy loves both of you so much, the two of you absolutely complete him. It's so cute hearing him say your name - he always asks about you, where you are and why he can't see you. He's too young to understand the truth, so I just tell him you're with Mummy and he'll get to see you soon. He is so excited to meet you, always picking toys he thinks you'd like. It makes your Daddy both happy and sad at the same time.

Daddy loves you so much Ilysha, nothing will ever change that. From the first time I held you in the hospital on the night you were born, I knew there is nothing I wouldn't do for you - no price I wouldn't pay to keep you safe, happy and protected. I will climb every mountain, swim every sea, fight anyone in the world that I have too. I find some comfort knowing that you won't remember me not being around, and I'm so grateful that we've got all the time in the world to see each other now, that I get to be there for you all the time now. I've been here all along, even when you couldn't see me. And I'm going nowhere Princess.

Love you all the world and more.

Daddy x x x