A friend who also has battled with drug addiction for years once told me "no matter what, regardless of how long you stay clean/sober, it never goes away".
He revered in stories of times he'd gone as long as six years without using, and the urge still persisted. This always concerned me when I was contemplating going clean. Would I really have to spend the rest of my life resisting an insatiable urge to indulge in recreational abuse?
It's strange; when we know there is a cut off point, it's easier. If an addict was told "all you have to do is stay clean for 60 days, and then you'll lose all attraction to the drug, and you'll never have the urge to do it again" then I'm quietly confident a lot of users would battle and fight themselves to that 60 day achievement calm in the knowledge that once they got there, it was over.
Instead, as my friend correctly warned me, addiction isn't something you can "tick off" as complete. Like been there, done that, overcame it, next. It truly is a lifelong battle against a little voice in the back of your mind trying to lead you to relapse.
Tonight I had four pints and my demons are trying their damnedest to convince me to stray. I'm going to bed before I can become weak enough to lose. It's exhausting though knowing this is something I am destined to fight with forever.
Even after six years clean it still pops into your head after a few pints "just one gram of cocaine, nobody has to know". Ugh.
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