Support with a Family/Personal Issue
Good evening,
I am hoping to receive some advice and guidance regarding my relationship with the Mother of my child.
Following the birth of my daughter, my ex has actively attempted to prevent us bonding and having a relationship. I was left off my daughters birth certificate from the outset, and prevented from seeing her for six months until I won a Court case that ordered my name to be added to the birth certificate, and my ex to allow weekly unsupervised contact. It is no secret that relationships are tense under these conditions, however my personal situation has escalated to the point now that it is affecting every aspect of my life.
The Mother of my child is not content to allow access without attempting to dictate and control every facet of my time with my child. At first it was minor requests such as ensuring my child did not sleep until set times to keep her in routine; more recently the requests are excessive and unreasonable such as demanding I purchase expensive commodities, or even picking fault with every aspect of the care I provide to my daughter. I have become a victim of psychological abuse with constant threats of her revoking contact access if I do not submit to her unreasonable demands; she uses this like a puppet master to force me to submit to her requests.
I have never missed a payment of child support and yet the Mother of my child refuses to supply anything but the clothes on my daughters back when I collect her; this extends to then demanding I purchase specific items such as £50 shoes from Clarks, or a £30 toilet training system for the 8 hours a week that my daughter is in my care. I do not mind purchasing items for my child however my finances do not allow for her sudden requests and should I fail to purchase items instantly when she demands it, then I am publicly humiliated, chastised and belittled, called a failure, worthless and a selfish unfit parent, often in front of our child. When I have attempted to reason with my ex regarding my financial circumstances, I am told to move house to somewhere cheaper, or sell possessions including my sofa, as my child should be my priority. I would like to clarify that I rarely spend any of my wages on myself because I've become so conditioned by her abuse that I feel intense guilt if I even buy myself new work clothes when needed. I definitely do not live a lavish lifestyle; to elaborate on this, I rarely eat because I feel pressured into saving as much as possible to buy things for my child, my lunch every day is a 28p pack of Asda noodles.
I am currently in contact with the Samaritans because I am struggling to cope with how isolated and depressed I am becoming; nothing I ever do is enough to satisfy the Mother of my child and my relatives have expressed their concern for my change in character. I have become withdrawn as I do not feel like I have the right to a social life and instead try to cater only to the demands of my ex in providing anything she demands for my child - solely to ensure I do not lose contact again.
I am aware that I can pursue an enforcement order in the event that my ex breaches the current Court order and prevents contact, however that avenue costs £200 which I cannot afford and will naturally not happen overnight meaning I'll be missing my daughter in the interim.
I don't know what to do any more; if I could afford to I would query a family law solicitor to clarify where I stand with regards to my ex's demands (such as not being allowed to take my daughter to friends houses, or have non related guests whilst she is in my care etc), or even pay for counselling to deal with the effects of the relentless emotional abuse and to stop myself feeling so depressed that I just want to disappear. Unfortunately I cannot, and instead I am left to sink further into depression whilst it feels like nobody cares or wants to help.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Kind Regards,
Ben Scott
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