An overview of opinions and observations for the month.
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
Content Consumption 2013
2013 has been a lot easier compared to 2012, it hasn't been all smooth sailing, but it's definitely been calmer waters to navigate. Big events this year focus mainly on my daughter; I didn't get to see my little girl whatsoever for the first 4 and a half months of 2013 whilst I still was battling through Court with my ex. In May, I was awarded supervised contact centre access which was a massive victory back at the time, and then in August I finally won my Court case and finally got to have my little Princess unsupervised and back home with me with my family finally getting to meet her for the first time. After winning Court, I applied to have my name added to Ilysha's birth certificate since my ex had omitted it originally; this was finally concluded at the start of December, at which point I had achieved what I vowed to do at the outset.
In 2013, I got to see my daughters first teeth, first steps, hear her first words, and see her grow crazy fast in a short period of time. I am really looking forward to witnessing her develop even further in 2014! The winning of Court closed a very difficult chapter of my life, something that I am happy to leave to the memories of 2013. I took advantage of this year to finalise getting all aspects of my personal life in check and under control - I completely avoided drugs and relationships for the entirety and have seen the positive effect it's had on my outlook, perspective and positivity. I think 2014 is the year for me to really start focusing on a career and future, setting some long term goals and working towards bettering myself further.
I sincerely hope all of you wake up to the world around you this year, I see some of you stuck in routines that don't benefit you at all, or settling for less than you deserve in relationships, or treading water in jobs far below what you are capable of achieving. I really hope you see there is much more to life than you're currently experiencing, and shrug off the complacency you've adopted. There is only one thing stopping you succeeding in 2014, and that is the same thing that holds you back any other time; yourself. So smash that glass ceiling, push those boundaries, crush those obstacles, and stop letting self imposed dramas dictate your life. If you only do one thing in 2014, I hope that one thing is being happy. I love you, and I want nothing but the best for you. I hope this New Year is our best one yet xo
Sunday, 15 December 2013
Luck
Of late, my train of thought is hurriedly moving between topical platforms, restless and relentlessly. I was lay in bed, listening to the calming sound of raindrops echoing against the window pane, when without prompt my mind began to explore and moved along to the thought of rain protection, of raincovers (perhaps because I need to buy a new one tomorrow), umbrellas, and the like. Natural thought progression led me to thinking about opening umbrellas indoors, and the illusion of the resulting “bad luck”. So, I then got to thinking, what exactly is luck?
Luck is a word ascribed to an event, or series of events, that one did not expect or perceive likely under the current circumstances or environmental conditions. We use the word luck to explain things we believe ourselves to have no control over; when often the decisions we have made prior to the event(s) are the factors that contribute to the outcome. Such is the law of cause and effect.
Cause and effect is one of the most basic laws of physics; every action has a reaction. The decisions you make, the choices, the actions, the thoughts are all causes, whereas the concluding outcome is the effect. Luck is often attributed to situations whereby the cause and effect of other people, directly impacts our own experiences. Luck is a baseless notion; I believe the world is merely a canvas upon which we paint our lives, and our actions and artwork directly and indirectly affect everybody else’s, such is cause and effect.
I feel the word luck has only one proper application, and one definition, and that is to describe the situation when somebody else’s cause and effect holds direct influence over outcomes relative to ourselves. It is not “luck” for a certain outcome to transpire, it is the culmination of the effects of every bodies universal collective causes.
The Gambler’s Fallacy is a noteworthy ideology based around this theory; it is the erroneous belief that frequency is relative to duration, in accordance with probability. To demonstrate the aforementioned theory imagine a situation involving coin tossing where there is a 50/50 chance the coin will land heads up. The Gambler’s Fallacy centres on the idea that if a coin lands heads up three times in a row, the odds are in favour of tails on the fourth toss, merely due to nature’s need to balance itself in harmonious equilibrium. Of course this is retarded logic, given that we already know the odds are equally 50/50.
Something as simple as coin tossing will often be used as an indicator that luck is an existing principle - however luck has no bearing on the coin toss, the outcome is predetermined by physics, factors such as position, rotation, velocity, and angular momentum. Again, this is cause and effect; the cause is the manner in which the coin is tossed and the relative variables, whereas the effect is the resulting outcome.
"Whatever luck I had, I made." - Chuck Norris
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Luck is a word ascribed to an event, or series of events, that one did not expect or perceive likely under the current circumstances or environmental conditions. We use the word luck to explain things we believe ourselves to have no control over; when often the decisions we have made prior to the event(s) are the factors that contribute to the outcome. Such is the law of cause and effect.
Cause and effect is one of the most basic laws of physics; every action has a reaction. The decisions you make, the choices, the actions, the thoughts are all causes, whereas the concluding outcome is the effect. Luck is often attributed to situations whereby the cause and effect of other people, directly impacts our own experiences. Luck is a baseless notion; I believe the world is merely a canvas upon which we paint our lives, and our actions and artwork directly and indirectly affect everybody else’s, such is cause and effect.
I feel the word luck has only one proper application, and one definition, and that is to describe the situation when somebody else’s cause and effect holds direct influence over outcomes relative to ourselves. It is not “luck” for a certain outcome to transpire, it is the culmination of the effects of every bodies universal collective causes.
The Gambler’s Fallacy is a noteworthy ideology based around this theory; it is the erroneous belief that frequency is relative to duration, in accordance with probability. To demonstrate the aforementioned theory imagine a situation involving coin tossing where there is a 50/50 chance the coin will land heads up. The Gambler’s Fallacy centres on the idea that if a coin lands heads up three times in a row, the odds are in favour of tails on the fourth toss, merely due to nature’s need to balance itself in harmonious equilibrium. Of course this is retarded logic, given that we already know the odds are equally 50/50.
Something as simple as coin tossing will often be used as an indicator that luck is an existing principle - however luck has no bearing on the coin toss, the outcome is predetermined by physics, factors such as position, rotation, velocity, and angular momentum. Again, this is cause and effect; the cause is the manner in which the coin is tossed and the relative variables, whereas the effect is the resulting outcome.
"Whatever luck I had, I made." - Chuck Norris
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Saturday, 30 November 2013
Thursday, 21 November 2013
Winter Survival Guide
After being hit with wintery weather over the last couple of days (alongside anticipating much more in the coming months), Connect have compiled this short survival guide to help keep you prepared and proactive this festive season.
Get in the routine of checking that you have topped up your coolant level with suitably concentrated antifreeze, and if possible cover the windscreen overnight with a frost shield - alternatively make sure you always have a can of de-icer and an ice scraper accessible. Using WD40 on your car door locks and Vaseline on the rubber door seals is a cheap tactic for preventing them freezing shut as temperatures drop.
Ensure you keep enough fuel in your tank over the winter months, as there are statistically more traffic and weather delays on the roads during this time of year. Now is also a good time to check tyre pressure and tread depth as these will directly affect your vehicle handling in icy conditions. It wouldn't hurt to replace your wiper blades if necessary either - smeared water on the windscreen can be dangerous when it causes the low sun to dazzle you, even if you wear shades. Also, be aware that old car batteries are one of the most common causes of winter breakdowns as they struggle to function in the cold temperatures.
Plan for the worst case scenario by ensuring you have the appropriate essentials with you on every journey. We recommend you have an in-car charger for your mobile phone, a basic first aid kit and any personal medication, and a decent torch with spare batteries. Additional suggestions include jumper cables for your car battery, a tow rope, a snow shovel, and de-icing salt or a bit of old carpet/thick cardboard that can be placed under wheels to help regain traction if you struggle on ice or snow. It wouldn't hurt to pack a sleeping bag or blanket either, and basic food and water supplies on the off chance you end up stranded for a while.
It would be much easier if we all had Ken Block's fantastic Subaru Impreza TRAX STI from his infamous Gymkhana, unfortunately, we do not. Hopefully, this guide can help in absence of snow cat tracks and rally spec dampers for the suspension!
Monday, 18 November 2013
Review - Bioshock 2
Having never played the original, and usually detesting water based missions in FPS's (the good old obscured vision, oxygen depletion and being shot at when you can't return fire or seemingly find cover of any sort) I was justifiably a little bit... how can I put it mildly? Pessimistic. I envisioned long repetitive and frustrating underwater sequences which would culminate in either rage-quitting or sending my PS3 controller through the TV screen like a gamer who can't handle conceding a 90th minute goal on FIFA.
Ironically, I was pleasantly surprised by the contrast of my expectations with reality. I watched a quick recap video on Youtube of the original title, and then jumped right in to assuming the role of Subject Delta. The storyline is engaging and the growth of the characters realistic, although as anticipated within about half an hour of playing, the twists of the plot became predictable.
I did find the mission structure a little rinse and repeat (stop at a station, get off, find and kill big daddies, harvest ADAM, get back on) but the variety in interior locale of Rapture was appreciated, the loadout range and customisability of the weapon system was reminiscent of Dead Space (definitely a good thing since I fucking adore that franchise), and the progression of enemy NPC's was proportionate to the protagonists own growth.
The atmosphere created by the musical score was that of a sunken vessel, the sort of music you imagine playing on the Titantic as it sinks to Davy Jones' locker in a depressive, haunting fashion ("I'll never let go Jack!" *promptly lets go*). Ahem. What the game did superbly for me however, was create an unparalleled sense of urgency and emotional attachment with Eleanor and the other little sisters. Perhaps this is due to being the Father of my own daughter, but I felt an unshakeable thirst for redemption, a need to be the hero and to rescue these poor innocent children from the grasp of some demented cult logic of sacrifice. Kinda like rescuing my daughter from the demented logic of some other people... but I digress.
In closing, I found the game to be both aesthetically satisfying, and emotionally rewarding - with each adoption and rescue I really felt I was making a difference and that I was the saviour of these precious little girls. The last few missions felt more of a victory lap than anything else, I was slightly OP by this point (picture Charizard fighting Bulbasaur) so it was more about the sense of impeding and inevitable success that rallied me through those final chapters, as I strode defiantly amidst the Splicers wielding an electric shock charged, incendiary round loaded shotgun that literally decimated them into screaming piles of charred flesh.
I'd definitely recommend giving this game a chance to any sceptics out there - though not my favourite in the genre, definitely a solid title. Fuck rating it out of 10 though, my scores would be too inconsistent for that shit.
Ironically, I was pleasantly surprised by the contrast of my expectations with reality. I watched a quick recap video on Youtube of the original title, and then jumped right in to assuming the role of Subject Delta. The storyline is engaging and the growth of the characters realistic, although as anticipated within about half an hour of playing, the twists of the plot became predictable.
I did find the mission structure a little rinse and repeat (stop at a station, get off, find and kill big daddies, harvest ADAM, get back on) but the variety in interior locale of Rapture was appreciated, the loadout range and customisability of the weapon system was reminiscent of Dead Space (definitely a good thing since I fucking adore that franchise), and the progression of enemy NPC's was proportionate to the protagonists own growth.
The atmosphere created by the musical score was that of a sunken vessel, the sort of music you imagine playing on the Titantic as it sinks to Davy Jones' locker in a depressive, haunting fashion ("I'll never let go Jack!" *promptly lets go*). Ahem. What the game did superbly for me however, was create an unparalleled sense of urgency and emotional attachment with Eleanor and the other little sisters. Perhaps this is due to being the Father of my own daughter, but I felt an unshakeable thirst for redemption, a need to be the hero and to rescue these poor innocent children from the grasp of some demented cult logic of sacrifice. Kinda like rescuing my daughter from the demented logic of some other people... but I digress.
In closing, I found the game to be both aesthetically satisfying, and emotionally rewarding - with each adoption and rescue I really felt I was making a difference and that I was the saviour of these precious little girls. The last few missions felt more of a victory lap than anything else, I was slightly OP by this point (picture Charizard fighting Bulbasaur) so it was more about the sense of impeding and inevitable success that rallied me through those final chapters, as I strode defiantly amidst the Splicers wielding an electric shock charged, incendiary round loaded shotgun that literally decimated them into screaming piles of charred flesh.
I'd definitely recommend giving this game a chance to any sceptics out there - though not my favourite in the genre, definitely a solid title. Fuck rating it out of 10 though, my scores would be too inconsistent for that shit.
Friday, 8 November 2013
Purpose
Tonight’s musings centre around the common problem we encounter on a daily basis in all walks of life, that of purpose.
Somewhere between the nostalgic memories of us as innocent children, and the stark realisation of the burdening adult responsibilities, we surrendered our ambitious dreams. We allowed ourselves to fall into the rut of security, the place where we count down days to the weekend, where we yearn for a holiday to escape the chore that has become existence.
Every once in a while we will find a moment where it almost feels like we’re alive how we were back as children, and then a torrent of worries, concerns and fears resurfaces to shatter our illusions. Somewhere, most of us lost our way. I’m sure that for many others, as I, it happened so subtly, that we obliviously allowed ourselves to become cogs in a machine of routine.
Most of people I know have so little in their lives, that their greatest joy is being able to go out and get drunk at the weekends, to party and take drugs, and most of all, for one night to not have to care. But then the very next day with a sore head, and an empty wallet, they reluctantly fall back into the systematic countdown to the inevitable next time. I won’t judge, until I had children and a little perspective, the aforementioned routine was all too familiar.
Even now though as I sit typing this, almost feeling preachy, I know that my life is not without fault. I have my daughter and Godson now, and I have a little more purpose than most I know… however time not spent with them is often time wasted. Too often I sit meandering aimlessly through the days, unproductively, and without substance. I have aspirations that I consciously subdue, rather than pursue; things that would be more beneficial to my life and the world around me than what I currently call my mundane life.
And yet I sit at work counting down the hours until I can go home, and then I get home and count down the hours until I go back to work, ticking off days in my internal calendar, counting down to those few precious moments with my children, the few hours a week where my time has a meaning.
For most of us life is for the most part pointless; we work to live doing jobs we don’t enjoy, and then what little time we have to ourselves, we often fritter away on inane retreats.
I feel like my life currently only has a purpose for 12 hours a week. Needless to say, something needs to change before I wake up one day, and another decade has crept by without me realising it.
I think Nathan Scott sums it up beautifully:
"It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life."
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Somewhere between the nostalgic memories of us as innocent children, and the stark realisation of the burdening adult responsibilities, we surrendered our ambitious dreams. We allowed ourselves to fall into the rut of security, the place where we count down days to the weekend, where we yearn for a holiday to escape the chore that has become existence.
Every once in a while we will find a moment where it almost feels like we’re alive how we were back as children, and then a torrent of worries, concerns and fears resurfaces to shatter our illusions. Somewhere, most of us lost our way. I’m sure that for many others, as I, it happened so subtly, that we obliviously allowed ourselves to become cogs in a machine of routine.
Most of people I know have so little in their lives, that their greatest joy is being able to go out and get drunk at the weekends, to party and take drugs, and most of all, for one night to not have to care. But then the very next day with a sore head, and an empty wallet, they reluctantly fall back into the systematic countdown to the inevitable next time. I won’t judge, until I had children and a little perspective, the aforementioned routine was all too familiar.
Even now though as I sit typing this, almost feeling preachy, I know that my life is not without fault. I have my daughter and Godson now, and I have a little more purpose than most I know… however time not spent with them is often time wasted. Too often I sit meandering aimlessly through the days, unproductively, and without substance. I have aspirations that I consciously subdue, rather than pursue; things that would be more beneficial to my life and the world around me than what I currently call my mundane life.
And yet I sit at work counting down the hours until I can go home, and then I get home and count down the hours until I go back to work, ticking off days in my internal calendar, counting down to those few precious moments with my children, the few hours a week where my time has a meaning.
For most of us life is for the most part pointless; we work to live doing jobs we don’t enjoy, and then what little time we have to ourselves, we often fritter away on inane retreats.
I feel like my life currently only has a purpose for 12 hours a week. Needless to say, something needs to change before I wake up one day, and another decade has crept by without me realising it.
I think Nathan Scott sums it up beautifully:
"It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life."
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Thursday, 31 October 2013
Monday, 28 October 2013
Farewell St. Jude!
As the South of England is still recovering from the full devastation of the St Jude Storm, we take a moment to acknowledge the full extent of what has happened this morning. Statistics have been analysed and compared to provide the following details:
1) The highest #windspeed recorded was 99mph at Needles Old Battery, Isle of Wight. On the continent itself, Langdon Bay, Kent reported 82mph gusts.
2) The highest #rainfall measured was 50mm in Otterbourne, Hampshire. Wych Cross reported 45mm, and Cardiff 43mm. There were a total of 146 Environmental Agency flood alerts issued.
3) The highest number of #treefalls that we've seen is 125+ in Sussex. We've seen further reports of 70 in Kent, 60 in East Sussex and 37 in Surrey.
4) The total number of power #outage we've seen is 220,000 in the UK, and a further 75,000 across in France. Water supplies have also been affected as pumping stations lost power.
5) Heathrow reported 130 cancelled flights, the Port of Dover completely closed temporarily stranding 2 ferries carrying 450 passengers, First Capital Connect trains and East Coast Trains have suspended all services for the rest of the day.
6) AA Special Operations Response reported calls of 11 cars stuck in water and a further 30 #flood related calls. London Fire Brigade received 303 #storm related calls, and the Metropolitan Police had an insane 792 calls between 6am-8am compared to their average of 200!
7) There have been two reported deaths directly as a result of the storm. A 17 year old female as a result of a tree falling on her static home in Hever, Edenbridge. An unidentified male in his 50's as a result of a tree falling on his car in Watford, Hertfordshire. Our thoughts go out to their families at this #tragic time.
2) The highest #rainfall measured was 50mm in Otterbourne, Hampshire. Wych Cross reported 45mm, and Cardiff 43mm. There were a total of 146 Environmental Agency flood alerts issued.
3) The highest number of #treefalls that we've seen is 125+ in Sussex. We've seen further reports of 70 in Kent, 60 in East Sussex and 37 in Surrey.
4) The total number of power #outage we've seen is 220,000 in the UK, and a further 75,000 across in France. Water supplies have also been affected as pumping stations lost power.
5) Heathrow reported 130 cancelled flights, the Port of Dover completely closed temporarily stranding 2 ferries carrying 450 passengers, First Capital Connect trains and East Coast Trains have suspended all services for the rest of the day.
6) AA Special Operations Response reported calls of 11 cars stuck in water and a further 30 #flood related calls. London Fire Brigade received 303 #storm related calls, and the Metropolitan Police had an insane 792 calls between 6am-8am compared to their average of 200!
7) There have been two reported deaths directly as a result of the storm. A 17 year old female as a result of a tree falling on her static home in Hever, Edenbridge. An unidentified male in his 50's as a result of a tree falling on his car in Watford, Hertfordshire. Our thoughts go out to their families at this #tragic time.
And finally a few more situations resulting from the storm:
- A #crane has collapsed onto the roof of the Cabinet Office in #Westminister.
- A tree has fallen through the roof of a Ministry of Defence house in Buford, Wiltshire.
- 40 homes have been #evacuated near the Golf Club in Calcot, Reading after reports gas pipe damaged by a falling tree could cause an #explosion.
- A house has been #destroyed in Hounslow after a tree collapsed causing a #gas main to rupture which led to a possible gas explosion.
- Dungeness B #nuclear power station in Kent automatically shut down both #reactors after power to the site was cut off.
- The famous #HelterSkelter on #Clacton Pier, Essex has been blown down in the storm, luckily not into the sea!
Thursday, 3 October 2013
Perfection
Late at night I sometimes think very deeply about the world around me, and the philosophical ideologies of the people who inhabit this planet. If this does not interest you, then feel free to stop reading, however this is a very intriguing notion I have happened across tonight and one I think will help open your mind if you give it the opportunity.
tl;dr: Perfection is subjective.
We all aspire to be perfect based entirely on own individual perception of the world, and of what exactly constitutes perfection. Take a moment to realise however, that opinions vary and never will they all align. Now, apply this knowledge to the original statement, and realise that the very idea of perfection is a flawed logic. You have spent years developing your own preferences and ideologies surrounding perfection based on your own life experiences and encounters. The very definition of perfection is ambiguous. You will undoubtedly have your own opinion of what perfection is, however people are unique and we all have different experiences and encounters on which we base our definition of perfection. Therefore, your idea of perfection may contradict my own opinion of perfection, and vice versa.
With this in mind, riddle me this: why do we as humans obsess with changing elements of ourselves in a bid to match our own idea of perfection? One day you may actually become your own definition of perfection, you may reach the pinnacle of your idea of who the perfect person is. Yet on that day, you may look around and realise that your idea of perfection is unique only to you, and that to everybody else including those who matter most, you remain imperfect.
I will never condemn somebody for bettering themselves, but remain aware that each change you make will likely count as a success to some, and a failure to others. Make sure the changes you are making, are for the benefit of the people who matter most, not just vainly for yourself.
I guess this ties in with the philosophy of living for someone other than yourself. Selflessness is one of our greatest gifts; when we die, we are only remembered for the things we did for others, and the impact we had on other peoples lives.
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tl;dr: Perfection is subjective.
We all aspire to be perfect based entirely on own individual perception of the world, and of what exactly constitutes perfection. Take a moment to realise however, that opinions vary and never will they all align. Now, apply this knowledge to the original statement, and realise that the very idea of perfection is a flawed logic. You have spent years developing your own preferences and ideologies surrounding perfection based on your own life experiences and encounters. The very definition of perfection is ambiguous. You will undoubtedly have your own opinion of what perfection is, however people are unique and we all have different experiences and encounters on which we base our definition of perfection. Therefore, your idea of perfection may contradict my own opinion of perfection, and vice versa.
With this in mind, riddle me this: why do we as humans obsess with changing elements of ourselves in a bid to match our own idea of perfection? One day you may actually become your own definition of perfection, you may reach the pinnacle of your idea of who the perfect person is. Yet on that day, you may look around and realise that your idea of perfection is unique only to you, and that to everybody else including those who matter most, you remain imperfect.
I will never condemn somebody for bettering themselves, but remain aware that each change you make will likely count as a success to some, and a failure to others. Make sure the changes you are making, are for the benefit of the people who matter most, not just vainly for yourself.
I guess this ties in with the philosophy of living for someone other than yourself. Selflessness is one of our greatest gifts; when we die, we are only remembered for the things we did for others, and the impact we had on other peoples lives.
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Monday, 30 September 2013
Monthly Musings: September 2013
01/09/2013 @00:08
"Let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness!"
01/09/2013 @11:11
My voice bleeds ink, decorates the fabrics of time with what I think.../
Rorschach stains ingrained in what I'm saying; interpret it however you want -
I won't complain.
Rorschach stains ingrained in what I'm saying; interpret it however you want -
I won't complain.
01/09/2013 @12:24
"There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive. No past so bitter that love cannot accept. And no love so little that we cannot start all over with." - Albert Einstein
01/09/2013 @14:27
Another day out with Captain America... :')
Another day out with Captain America... :')
01/09/2013 @18:28
How many other people see a picture on someone's profile and go to "like" it, only to realise they already have done previously? I must do that shit at least once a day.
How many other people see a picture on someone's profile and go to "like" it, only to realise they already have done previously? I must do that shit at least once a day.
01/09/2013 @21:40
To be honest, one of the worst things that happens to me these days is when I go to drink my brew and my cups already empty.
02/09/2013 @01:40
After 7hrs of ACR tonight, I daresay I'm back in Animus mode and looking forward to starting on AC3 in the next few days. [feeling carefree]
02/09/2013 @13:06
An example of the simple things in life. You walk into Greggs, query an empty product tray and then smile to yourself as they pass you freshly baked ones out of the oven.
[feeling Easily Pleased]
An example of the simple things in life. You walk into Greggs, query an empty product tray and then smile to yourself as they pass you freshly baked ones out of the oven.
[feeling Easily Pleased]
02/09/2013 @18:08
Dear Mr Scott, we fucked up and didn't tax you correctly so now you owe us £253.20. Soz about that. Lots of love, HM Revenue & Customs xoxo
02/09/2013 @20:41
Requiescat en pace. /ACR
Requiescat en pace. /ACR
02/09/2013 @22:25
Arctic Monkeys new track, really liking the new material... what you saying @Jon?
02/09/2013 @22:33
Money is a necessary evil, and it's a good job I'm content with a minimalist lifestyle.
[feeling broke]
Money is a necessary evil, and it's a good job I'm content with a minimalist lifestyle.
[feeling broke]
03/09/2013 @01:29
If you get the big choices right, don't worry too much about the small ones. You are only human, and although it may seem like a big deal right now, trust me it probably isn't. At the end of it all, nobody is going to judge you for making the odd bad decision; life is all about balance and equilibrium. Just stay focused on the important things, you know, the things that truly matter, and you won't go far wrong.
03/09/2013 @08:31
Two consecutive nights I've had dreams where the core theme was pregnancy.
03/09/2013 @12:34
5hrs more in, then 5 days off... roll on half 5!
5hrs more in, then 5 days off... roll on half 5!
03/09/2013 @21:03
Jennifer Lawrence... 'nuf said.
03/09/2013 @22:11
Back in the Animus.
[playing Assassins Creed 3]
[playing Assassins Creed 3]
04/09/2013 @02:52
Thinking of going bed soon, so I've just done the logical thing and made myself a coffee... #goingfullretard
Thinking of going bed soon, so I've just done the logical thing and made myself a coffee... #goingfullretard
04/09/2013 @03:07
Life is all a game, it's just the genre you choose,
Don't console Mii, I refuse to lose.
1000 point gamerscore, or a platinum trophy.
Respawn once more, no n00b can own me.
[with Alan Caster Tonk]
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/16274983-all-a-game]
Don't console Mii, I refuse to lose.
1000 point gamerscore, or a platinum trophy.
Respawn once more, no n00b can own me.
[with Alan Caster Tonk]
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/16274983-all-a-game]
04/09/2013 @03:27
Off work with no kids tomorrow, so there'll be no alarms either... wonder if my sleep pattern will allow a lie in??
Off work with no kids tomorrow, so there'll be no alarms either... wonder if my sleep pattern will allow a lie in??
04/09/2013 @10:39
My newsfeed is full of proud parents posting pictures of their children in school uniforms hehe :') - we're getting old!! I hope my lil' 'Son is having a good first day! Looking forward to hearing all about it later!! [feeling proud]
04/09/2013 @14:30
Stone preservation. #2birds
Stone preservation. #2birds
05/09/2013 @00:06
You know when I'm happy and relaxed without a care or concern in the world... my neighbour nearly smashes my door in to ask me turn my music down and stop singing so loud haha...
[feeling amused]
[feeling amused]
05/09/2013 @04:02
The Animus is shutting down.
The Animus is shutting down.
05/09/2013 @11:29
Today is looking like being a good day... crawled out of bed at about 11am, received official Court paperwork so I can get myself added to the Birth Certificate, and I'm free to do whatever I like for the rest of the day!
[feeling wonderful]
[feeling wonderful]
05/09/2013 @12:07
"I've been surfing through this life on the waves of time, and put it all on the line to define what's mine. Architecture of the future is now my design. The blueprints I refine with shoe prints in my mind. Look for hints and you will find breadcrumbs and signs, Cartography, I'm mapping out construction lines..." #anothab
"I've been surfing through this life on the waves of time, and put it all on the line to define what's mine. Architecture of the future is now my design. The blueprints I refine with shoe prints in my mind. Look for hints and you will find breadcrumbs and signs, Cartography, I'm mapping out construction lines..." #anothab
05/09/2013 @12:43
[playing Wreck-It Ralph]
[playing Wreck-It Ralph]
05/09/2013 @15:39
[playing Assassins Creed 3 really makes me want to watch Pirates of the Caribbean]
05/09/2013 @22:17
If I was Alfie I'd get fired the minute Chantelle tried it on with me... #NikkiRuneckles
05/09/2013 @22:49
Tuneeee! ♥
06/09/2013 @11:24
Today is my "official" birthday, but to be honest - every single time I see my daughter it feels like my birthday. Tomorrow ♥
06/09/2013 @11:42
[recommends The Vicious Kind]
06/09/2013 @11:50
[recommends Cruel Intentions]
06/09/2013 @16:01
Fuck about! :/
Fuck about! :/
07/09/2013 @00:56
I can't wait to see my lil' beautiful Princess in the morning!!
[feeling impatient]
I can't wait to see my lil' beautiful Princess in the morning!!
[feeling impatient]
07/09/2013 @15:26
Just had my Princess all to myself for 4hrs and had a lovely time with her... my favourite part was possibly when she decided to spontaneously wee all over us both whilst I was changing her nappy, about 5 minutes before I needed to leave the house to take her back home!
[feeling amused]
Just had my Princess all to myself for 4hrs and had a lovely time with her... my favourite part was possibly when she decided to spontaneously wee all over us both whilst I was changing her nappy, about 5 minutes before I needed to leave the house to take her back home!
[feeling amused]
08/09/2013 @03:54
Can't wait see my lil soldier tomorrow :)
Can't wait see my lil soldier tomorrow :)
08/09/2013 @14:45
Here we go again! :')
[with Dawn Wheels Owen and Sheila Scott]
Here we go again! :')
[with Dawn Wheels Owen and Sheila Scott]
08/09/2013 @15:42
Charchar just asked me: "How can horses scratch their bums when they don't have any hands?" - fair play 'Son, I can't answer that!!
[with Dawn Wheels Owen and Sheila Scott]
Charchar just asked me: "How can horses scratch their bums when they don't have any hands?" - fair play 'Son, I can't answer that!!
[with Dawn Wheels Owen and Sheila Scott]
08/09/2013 @21:03
I'm floating, it kinda feels like I'm dreaming.../
Walking on clouds high above the glass ceiling.../
At last found freedom far from past feelings.../
High off life... at last I know the meaning.
I'm floating, it kinda feels like I'm dreaming.../
Walking on clouds high above the glass ceiling.../
At last found freedom far from past feelings.../
High off life... at last I know the meaning.
08/09/2013 @22:35
Awesome weekend to celebrate my birthday - pub Friday night, lil' Princess yesterday, up town last night, and then my lil' Prince today!! Love my life! ♥
[feeling wonderful]
Awesome weekend to celebrate my birthday - pub Friday night, lil' Princess yesterday, up town last night, and then my lil' Prince today!! Love my life! ♥
[feeling wonderful]
09/09/2013 @13:31
Is it home time yet?
[feeling ceebs]
Is it home time yet?
[feeling ceebs]
09/09/2013 @19:00
£39.99 well spent... PS+ subscription renewed until 02/01/15. #birthdayfunds
£39.99 well spent... PS+ subscription renewed until 02/01/15. #birthdayfunds
09/09/2013 @20:36
Fuck off has Breaking Bad just ended like that!? I need to see the next episode RIGHT NOW!
[feeling impatient]
[feeling impatient]
09/09/2013 @21:05
Like a boss.
Like a boss.
10/09/2013 @00:29
Wow... so Dexter ended fucked up too, but at least it wasn't a massive cliffhanger!
Wow... so Dexter ended fucked up too, but at least it wasn't a massive cliffhanger!
10/09/2013 @09:13
I feel like an extra on The Walking Dead... I need coffee more than oxygen this morning.
I feel like an extra on The Walking Dead... I need coffee more than oxygen this morning.
10/09/2013 @22:53
"You wield your blade like a man, but your mouth like a child."
10/09/2013 @23:49
"You're just some blind fool, who's always chasing butterflies. Whereas I'm the type of guy, who likes to have a beer in one hand, and a titty in the other."
"You're just some blind fool, who's always chasing butterflies. Whereas I'm the type of guy, who likes to have a beer in one hand, and a titty in the other."
11/09/2013 @02:35
Well, my bed isn't going to starfish in itself.
Well, my bed isn't going to starfish in itself.
11/09/2013 @21:38
Just heard about my mukka @Liam Dann, it seems 4 lads assaulted him up Hanley outside Subway on Saturday night and broke his jaw in two places, and there is no witnesses or evidence?? C'mon people, someone must have seen something?
[http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/Man-remains-hospital-late-night-Hanley-assault/story-19781255-detail/story.html]
Just heard about my mukka @Liam Dann, it seems 4 lads assaulted him up Hanley outside Subway on Saturday night and broke his jaw in two places, and there is no witnesses or evidence?? C'mon people, someone must have seen something?
[http://www.thisisstaffordshire.co.uk/Man-remains-hospital-late-night-Hanley-assault/story-19781255-detail/story.html]
11/09/2013 @22:48
Well, the opening episode of the new series of Sons of Anarchy pulled no punches! Jesus! Go hard or go home much? Almost 17 minutes before the opening credits even ran, and then a further 45 minutes of absolute ruthlessness!!
Well, the opening episode of the new series of Sons of Anarchy pulled no punches! Jesus! Go hard or go home much? Almost 17 minutes before the opening credits even ran, and then a further 45 minutes of absolute ruthlessness!!
11/09/2013 @23:39
Now we're nothing more than the fractures and cracks,
That spread far and fast like scars across our past.
We smashed the hourglass, now at last you grasp the facts.
And accept my contribution to the future we'll enact.
Now we're nothing more than the fractures and cracks,
That spread far and fast like scars across our past.
We smashed the hourglass, now at last you grasp the facts.
And accept my contribution to the future we'll enact.
11/09/2013 @23:45
For those who haven't realised yet, I write and record my own music. Please listen, like and share!! [http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/18423256-incomplete]
For those who haven't realised yet, I write and record my own music. Please listen, like and share!! [http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/18423256-incomplete]
12/09/2013 @00:31
Very few people these days can hold mature and deep conversations. Say what you like, I'm thankful to have people in my life who I can connect with on a higher level.
[feeling grateful]
Very few people these days can hold mature and deep conversations. Say what you like, I'm thankful to have people in my life who I can connect with on a higher level.
[feeling grateful]
12/09/2013 @09:22
"You are the last of the ladies.../
You are the one who can save me.../
You are, you are, you are."
#Courteeners
"You are the last of the ladies.../
You are the one who can save me.../
You are, you are, you are."
#Courteeners
12/09/2013 @19:45
Haha you chicken box prickkkk!
12/09/2013 @21:30
"I'm scared to let my little baby grow up in this big world."
13/09/2013 @00:12
Off to bed smiling, because I know it's almost the weekend... Ily&Char♥
Off to bed smiling, because I know it's almost the weekend... Ily&Char♥
13/09/2013 @08:32
Unfortunately I won't be coming to work today... my bed has taken me hostage.
Unfortunately I won't be coming to work today... my bed has taken me hostage.
13/09/2013 @13:33
Hope my mates operation goes okay today! Get better soon kidder!
13/09/2013 @19:19
"Shining like a diamond in the darkness of the sky... I stellify."
13/09/2013 @19:52
Decided to make a new playlist... it's taken over an hour and ended up with 1,370 songs.
13/09/2013 @23:49
I delay eating for so long that I end up not bothering.
14/09/2013 @00:46
Going to bed with a smile on my face that seems too big for my head... because when I wake up, it'll be Daddy & Daughter time once more! :') ♥
14/09/2013 @08:54
Waking up fresh on Saturday mornings is the best!
[feeling fresh]
14/09/2013 @14:26
Just dropped my lil' Princess back off at her Mum's, and I miss her already!! Had an amazing time with her again... she was worth every tear and all the stress over the last couple of years! :') ♥
14/09/2013 @17:40
Beer & football... :)
[with Terry Scott at White Horse]
15/09/2013 @00:11
Am I the only one who sees the beautiful natural brunette beside the fake blonde with a face constructed of cheap makeup?
15/09/2013 @01:24
I'm probably the only guy who goes out drinking and spends most of the night looking at photos of his children x
15/09/2013 @18:46
Under scrutiny, denied the opportunity,
but still remained in the shadows patiently and dutifully.../
Beautifully I bit my tongue and I waited,
until the day came that I had anticipated.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/18605911-met-her-for-metaphor]
15/09/2013 @19:42
Madness hearing this now after everything that's happened, I can hardly believe my little Princess is going to be 1 next month! Where does the time go?
15/09/2013 @20:10
Is it appropriate for my ex's new fella who she has been with for 9 weeks having a photo of my daughter as his Whatsapp picture, and introducing her as his stepdaughter? Discuss.
Is it appropriate for my ex's new fella who she has been with for 9 weeks having a photo of my daughter as his Whatsapp picture, and introducing her as his stepdaughter? Discuss.
15/09/2013 @21:36
Proud to know this lad, and be able to call him a mate!
16/09/2013 @13:32
Aerial has fallen off my roof, the smoke alarm is beeping, the lightbulb in my living room has blown, my lighter won't work... but you ain't gonna break me, woosah! Just submitted the application to re-register my daughter's birth to have my details on the Birth Certificate, and I'm smiling. #firstworldproblems
[feeling defiant]
16/09/2013 @18:32
Got home from a day of work, done the dishes, changed the battery in the smoke alarm, changed the lightbulb, and now I can sit down with a brew & some fruit without a care in the world :)
16/09/2013 @20:19
The darkness suffocates inside of my head,
my nightmares escalate and demonstrate why fears are fed.../
I hyperventilate, and speculate I belong with the dead,
but I'm a Hydra, a survivor, I get stronger instead.../
OFF WITH MY HEAD!
17/09/2013 @1:21:30am
I have a job, and common sense, so GTA5 will wait until tomorrow in my world. #reluctant
17/09/2013 @08:12
So... anybody completed GTA 5 yet?
17/09/2013 @10:40
Good Jesus, what is Playstation trying to do to me?! I'm currently smashing Assassins Creed 3 up and intend on finishing it, I should be getting GTA5 later today, and now I find out the PS+ free game next month is Far Cry 3!! I foresee a lot of time spent with just me and my PS3 over the coming months... recluse mode enabled.
17/09/2013 @18:21
And in another brilliant example of why my brother is the best, I have come home from a long day at work, and GTAV is already here waiting for me. Love you bro!
[feeling lucky with Terry Scott]
17/09/2013 @22:39
Note to self, pedalling off the top of Mount Chiliad on a BMX doesn't end well. Neither does driving into Fort Zancudo and attempting to fly off in a P-996 Lazer fighter jet... #gta5
18/09/2013 @00:00
I'm not stoned. Completely. Completely not stoned. I'm straight. Completely straight. I can do anything. I could be a brain surgeon. Brain surgery, yeah I could do that. I should have been a brain surgeon.
18/09/2013 @09:01
"I refuse to be concerned with condescending advice.../
Cause I'm the only motherfucker who can change my life."
18/09/2013 @17:39
Exactly a month today is my lil' Princesses first birthday... madness!
18/09/2013 @20:56
"Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you.../
The one you love; not the person that'll simply have sex with you."
18/09/2013 @21:43
I guess I'm kinda broke beneath the surface.../
Shattered parts, that mattered before the worst hit.
18/09/2013 @22:46
"Are we just one more stop for the hands of time?
Or here with a reason and man divine?"
18/09/2013 @23:02
Been so preoccupied taking strife within my stride,
that it dominates my mind and intoxicates my sight./
It complicates my life, but I compensate inside;
it confiscates my rights, but I concentrate and fight./
I postulate it might, provide the oxygen to write.
[with Tu Ben Ngo]
18/09/2013 @23:33
I'll keep twisting the blade.../
Life gave me lemons but I made a grenade.../
Laid them lemons to rest in a mess of a grave.../
Along with the best of mistakes that I made.
19/09/2013 @00:01
I've had my fair share of the worst pain.../
Yet it hurt worse witnessing you're world change.../
You've always been gold through the cursed rain.../
So I can't forgive the soul who deserves blame.
19/09/2013 @01:14
I really enjoy deep philosophical chats with people who are emotionally mature and conscious. It is natural progression that such people transcend the ignorance and connect on a higher level every time they converse.
[with Christopher Downs and Sylvester Sylvester]
19/09/2013 @01:33
It is unnatural for people to hate, and to want anything less than the best for the people in their life. When our focuses and goals are aligned, we can combine to build a better future for the next generation. Ignorance is our greatest burden, and empathy is our greatest gift. Weak people seek affirmation by bringing down the people around them; strong people seek to make other people strong, and to unite the world in harmonious equilibrium. If we can focus on a common goal, progression is inevitable. United we will stand, divided we shall fall.
19/09/2013 @08:59
Life is unfair, and karma is a fallacy. The sooner we accept these unfortunate facts, the sooner we can proactively better our living conditions. You get out of life what you put in; we reap what we sow.
19/09/2013 @13:41
"No man has ever risen to the real stature of spiritual manhood until he has found that it is finer to serve somebody else than it is to serve himself." – Woodrow Wilson
19/09/2013 @18:06
Rest in peace to Hiroshi Yamauchi, one of the most influential people ever to honour the computer games industry. I sincerely have genuine respect for this legend.
19/09/2013 @18:45
Ironic how the people who are so quick to put you through Hell with no remorse, are the very same people who then expect you to still do favours for them. Not this time.
19/09/2013 @21:54
"Pessimism is an emotion, not a philosophy."
19/09/2013 @22:21
"I am content to die for my beliefs, so cut off my head and make me a martyr. The people will always remember it."
19/09/2013 @23:33
I tried but I could not stem the blood loss,
so I stayed by your side until the flood stopped.../
The thoughts that you hide slowly unlocked,
and your words cut me deep just like gunshots.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/18648178-pray-for-you]
20/09/2013 @00:18
The best remedy for a cold house is a hot bath... #relaxed
20/09/2013 @09:13
You can tell colleges etc are back, public transport & traffic have been horrendous this week.
20/09/2013 @13:32
Some peoples attitudes are ridiculous... just been verbally savaged in KFC by some random bint who went nuclear because I made a passive comment agreeing with her! #putyourtamponbackup
20/09/2013 @18:41
Life creates problems and challenges to test our strength and perseverance, and in the face of adversity we must rise to the occasion and achieve victory by whatever means necessary. The ends will always justify the means if the cause is righteous.
20/09/2013 @19:34
One of a gamers biggest dilemmas is having a new game to play when you haven't finished the last game yet. GTA V is staring at me, but I'm 80% through AC3.
20/09/2013 @09:40
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair... one kiss of her mouth... one touch of her hand... than an eternity without it. One..." [watching City of Angels]
20/09/2013 @23:19
I don't play computer games. I destroy them.
21/09/2013 @01:29
Casual 14 trophies earned whilst tying up AC3... now bed ready for seeing my lil' Princess in the morning!
[feeling amazing]
21/09/2013 @09:24
Outside the weather is miserable, but inside me the sun in shining defiantly... Daddy is on the way to fetch his lil' beautiful bundle of perfection... :') ♥
21/09/2013 @16:33
Parting is such sweet sorrow... hope my lil Princess has a nice time next weekend wherever her Mummy is taking her... roll on a fortnight so I can see her again - for both Sat & Sun!! :') ♥
21/09/2013 @20:57
"Ignoring the insults, and evil eyes.../
I feed off of 'em; I wonder when she'll realise?"
21/09/2013 @22:31
"I have to believe that when things are bad, I can change them."
21/09/2013 @23:30
In life there are no second chances, there are no recounts, there are no replays... so give it everything you've got, and when you've got nothing left to give, when you've used up everything you have, every last piece of you... focus on whatever you hold dear, and give it even more. Be the best that you can be, nobody could ask for anything more. YOLO doesn't mean live like nothing matters, it means live like everything matters.
22/09/2013 @02:40
"Isn't that when you slept on the pool table Andy? Yeah for six hours? Thank you flaming sambuca. Remember when you woke up, we said you'd been asleep for a year and that it was 1991, and you freaked out and punched a clock?!"
[watching The World's End]
22/09/2013 @12:11
Nothing like waking up to 11 missed calls, 4 text messages, 2 Whatsapp messages, 8 Facebook notifications, 9 Instagram notifications & 6 Snapchats make you feel popular!!
22/09/2013 @23:27
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present, and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real, but fear is a choice."
[watching After Earth]
23/09/2013 @01:19
If something is truly important to me, the only thing that could ever stop me fighting for it is death. And even then it's not a guarantee.
23/09/2013 @08:44
If you don't need a coffee when you wake up, you aren't human.
23/09/2013 @09:27
"It's a rhythmic reality; a remedy through riddles.
Where love's a hurricane, and you meet me in the middle."
23/09/2013 @12:43
"It's the past love still cooking inside,
it's the warm fuzzy feeling when I look in her eyes."
23/09/2013 @17:59
I've never been a fan of working Monday mornings, or Friday afternoons... so this afternoon I've submitted 18 holiday requests so that I don't have to work any of them for the next nine weeks. Yes, you read that right the first time.
23/09/2013 @18:31
SPOILER ALERT Why are you even still reading this?!
23/09/2013 @20:52
"Failure is the most readily available option at all times, but it's a choice. You can choose to fail or you can choose to succeed." - Chael Sonnen
24/09/2013 @09:02
"Real magic isn't cards tricks, big cribs and cars, bitch.../
It's making something outta nothing through this hardship!"
24/09/2013 @21:13
"Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else." - Albert Einstein
25/09/2013 @09:06
"I caught the fresh force; I hopped and leapt forth.../
So check it mate, I'm the pawn that crossed the chessboard."
25/09/2013 @13:47
Happily a single pringle!
25/09/2013 @22:11
"From the Heaven I have, to the Hell I been through.../
I'm always coming back home to you."
26/09/2013 @00:19
Sometimes, I fucking hate being OP.
[with Christopher Downs]
26/09/2013 @08:46
Well... this is a welcome surprise.
[feeling fresh]
26/09/2013 @13:31
I don't know how I used to cope without hour long lunch breaks.
26/09/2013 @19:15
"Like nothing really matters... like pain doesn't hurt.../
You should mean more to me by now than just heartbreak in a short skirt."
26/09/2013 @19:22
"I want to dance... I want to dance.../
I want lust, and love, and a smattering of romance..."
It's slowly sinking in that I'm not seeing my lil' Princess this weekend... and now I'm really missing her.
[feeling alone]
26/09/2013 @22:08
The story of the night my daughter was born :') ♥
[https://soundcloud.com/anothab/supreme]
[https://soundcloud.com/anothab/supreme]
26/09/2013 @22:20
Hahaha! What a retard!
26/09/2013 @22:57
You deserve better, 'cause I'm far too broken.../
It hurts, but you've never heard truer words spoken.
It hurts, but you've never heard truer words spoken.
27/09/2013 @00:33
"Music is my first love, it will always be my last." ♥
27/09/2013 @13:31
This could get interesting! I sleep nude! ;) haha
27/09/2013 @13:32
Is it home time yet? I'm sure there's a pint with my name on it at the Moorland!
[with Christopher Downs]
Is it home time yet? I'm sure there's a pint with my name on it at the Moorland!
[with Christopher Downs]
27/09/2013 @17:08
If anybody else uses LinkedIn for their business profiles, feel free to request me on there.
[http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/ben-scott/16/a83/a08]
If anybody else uses LinkedIn for their business profiles, feel free to request me on there.
[http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/ben-scott/16/a83/a08]
27/09/2013 @18:36
Quality vs. quantity... sometimes it isn't an easy choice.
Quality vs. quantity... sometimes it isn't an easy choice.
27/09/2013 @19:50
If you're on Android, be aware of this nifty tool... if you lose your phone, you can make it ring full volume for 5 minutes until you locate it... if someone nicks it or you leave it lying about, you can remotely change your password, lock screen or even wipe all your data from it. Definitely worth bookmarking! ;)
[https://www.google.com/android/devicemanager]
If you're on Android, be aware of this nifty tool... if you lose your phone, you can make it ring full volume for 5 minutes until you locate it... if someone nicks it or you leave it lying about, you can remotely change your password, lock screen or even wipe all your data from it. Definitely worth bookmarking! ;)
[https://www.google.com/android/devicemanager]
27/09/2013 @19:57
"I don't care... I LOVE IT!"
27/09/2013 @22:41
I didn't realise until tonight that Friday night at the Moorland was nappy night haha!
[with Christopher Downs at Moorland Inn]
I didn't realise until tonight that Friday night at the Moorland was nappy night haha!
[with Christopher Downs at Moorland Inn]
28/09/2013 @01:48
"When can I see you again?" ♥
"When can I see you again?" ♥
28/09/2013 @14:52
"Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
- Albert Einstein
"Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
- Albert Einstein
28/09/2013 @16:25
"I've been looking for my Mrs. Right, but she don't exist.../
Chemistry is everything, and we're anything but this."
"I've been looking for my Mrs. Right, but she don't exist.../
Chemistry is everything, and we're anything but this."
28/09/2013 @16:49
Looking through old pictures feeling nostalgic, remembering all the people I've met, places I've been and experiences I've had. Life changes so much, and we're so busy being caught up in the moment, we don't even realise it.
Looking through old pictures feeling nostalgic, remembering all the people I've met, places I've been and experiences I've had. Life changes so much, and we're so busy being caught up in the moment, we don't even realise it.
28/09/2013 @17:06
Just found an old recording of me & Switch (aka Micky Rawlinson) drunk freestyling a few years ago haha.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/18728299-freestyle-ft-switch]
Just found an old recording of me & Switch (aka Micky Rawlinson) drunk freestyling a few years ago haha.
[http://www.reverbnation.com/anothab/song/18728299-freestyle-ft-switch]
28/09/2013 @19:16
I've got a bit of cash, a free house, and no plans for the night. This could go one of two ways... what's everybody up to?
[feeling mischievous]
[feeling mischievous]
28/09/2013 @20:15
Cheeky beverage, considering Hanley duck! Hopefully wake up in a hedge tomorrow morning! #jk
[with Lorna Ector and Rob Cooper at Moorland Inn]
Cheeky beverage, considering Hanley duck! Hopefully wake up in a hedge tomorrow morning! #jk
[with Lorna Ector and Rob Cooper at Moorland Inn]
28/09/2013 @22:37
Bolt.
[with Lorna Ector and Rob Cooper at The Reginald Mitchell - Wetherspoons]
[with Lorna Ector and Rob Cooper at The Reginald Mitchell - Wetherspoons]
28/09/2013 @23:19
[with Sophie Hand and Steph Hand at Chicago Hanley]
29/09/2013 @00:12
Amongst it...
[with Sophie Hand and Steph Hand at Revolutions Vodka Bar]
Amongst it...
[with Sophie Hand and Steph Hand at Revolutions Vodka Bar]
29/09/2013 @09:24
Just woke up feeling rough and confused!
[at In a Hedge]
Just woke up feeling rough and confused!
[at In a Hedge]
29/09/2013 @11:53
I missed my daughter yesterday, but I'm still smiling... cause I get to see my son soon!
[feeling lucky]
I missed my daughter yesterday, but I'm still smiling... cause I get to see my son soon!
[feeling lucky]
29/09/2013 @21:56
"The first time you fall in love, it changes you forever and no matter how hard you try... that feeling just never goes away."
"The first time you fall in love, it changes you forever and no matter how hard you try... that feeling just never goes away."
30/09/2013 @12:23
I am so blessed to have such beautiful amazing children in my life, they keep me eternally focused on what's really important, remind me what it means to love unconditionally, and give me a sense of pride that I've never known before. They make me a better man, and just genuinely complete me. Daddy loves you Ilysha & Charlie, you pair are my everything and more... ♥
[feeling blessed]
I am so blessed to have such beautiful amazing children in my life, they keep me eternally focused on what's really important, remind me what it means to love unconditionally, and give me a sense of pride that I've never known before. They make me a better man, and just genuinely complete me. Daddy loves you Ilysha & Charlie, you pair are my everything and more... ♥
[feeling blessed]
30/09/2013 @10:34
"I don't need too much, I just want to make my kids proud.../
Wishing that their life could stay as simple as it is now."
"I don't need too much, I just want to make my kids proud.../
Wishing that their life could stay as simple as it is now."
30/09/2013 @18:28
#BrBa
#BrBa
30/09/2013 @20:00
And every time I see you again, I remember it all like it was just yesterday.
And every time I see you again, I remember it all like it was just yesterday.
30/09/2013 @21:33
I've always looked for love in all the wrong places, seeking broken spirits that I hoped I could save. I felt that was all I needed, because if I could fix a broken heart then my life would have served a purpose. If I could be the reason one girl smiled in the morning, then I couldn't be that bad of a person. I guess I used love as affirmation of who I was - I wielded it as a sword to protect me from my own darkest emotions, and as a shield to comfort me when I disliked my own reflection. I believe that only a girl as broken as me could ever understand me, or appreciate me - that only someone as damaged as I am could relate, accept or empathise. I have surrendered trying to be the hero, I have discarded my sword and shield - I know now that I am far too damaged to save anybody else since it took every ounce of strength I had just to save myself. Boredom and loneliness are the worst reasons for a relationship and yet I realise now, these are the main reasons we naively seek love. We see the world around us, the illusion of every other happy couple, and moreover the fairytales that Hollywood spoonfeeds us - and we yearn to experience this magic, seeking it so relentlessly we mistake lust, or convince ourselves of it's presence. I miss the memory of love, but in a world where memories are rose tinted, reality is forever doomed to falter to expectations. Love is a dream, but sooner or later, we all wake up. I'll settle for my memories.
I've always looked for love in all the wrong places, seeking broken spirits that I hoped I could save. I felt that was all I needed, because if I could fix a broken heart then my life would have served a purpose. If I could be the reason one girl smiled in the morning, then I couldn't be that bad of a person. I guess I used love as affirmation of who I was - I wielded it as a sword to protect me from my own darkest emotions, and as a shield to comfort me when I disliked my own reflection. I believe that only a girl as broken as me could ever understand me, or appreciate me - that only someone as damaged as I am could relate, accept or empathise. I have surrendered trying to be the hero, I have discarded my sword and shield - I know now that I am far too damaged to save anybody else since it took every ounce of strength I had just to save myself. Boredom and loneliness are the worst reasons for a relationship and yet I realise now, these are the main reasons we naively seek love. We see the world around us, the illusion of every other happy couple, and moreover the fairytales that Hollywood spoonfeeds us - and we yearn to experience this magic, seeking it so relentlessly we mistake lust, or convince ourselves of it's presence. I miss the memory of love, but in a world where memories are rose tinted, reality is forever doomed to falter to expectations. Love is a dream, but sooner or later, we all wake up. I'll settle for my memories.
Wednesday, 18 September 2013
Cracking the Schemes Market
Schemes Overview
A scheme is a tailor fitted (often bespoke) insurance and risk management solution. A successful scheme is focused and targeted around a particular niche (whether trade/sector/affinity), who share a common coverage requirement.
There are two approaches to creating a new scheme; either creating a product that focuses on an existing client base, alternatively creating a product for an entirely new sector. There are advantages to both approaches.
Creating a product for an existing client base will ensure you already have a generic knowledge of the demographic, established contacts within their sector, and awareness of their demands and requirements. This experience will contribute to aligning yourself with the customer and understanding how to reach them with marketing, and how to appeal to them, and cater to their requirements with the coverage you offer. Such schemes are usually the most successful, and are often born from an environmental/lifestyle/legislation change that creates a new avenue to explore, with the opportunity for a new niche product. Your product will need to be specialist and unique to the selected sector; this could even be specifically for a particular geographical region. Ideally you will have a really good understanding and passion about the selected industry sector, the subject matter, and the class of business. Understanding the chosen industry, combined with strong product knowledge will always help to sell a scheme; being immersed in the subject matter will ensure a greater appreciation for customer needs, as you will react and empathise with how your audience will. Such schemes that are born from hobbies often succeed (for example sports clubs or collectibles), as the broker can market to the client suitably, and understand the needs and requirements of the product. In essence, the broker can identify as a user. If you look into your book of existing business, you may identify a natural niche/affinity within your portfolio that you specialise in; if you can find something you already convert well and then develop it further, you will already hold statistics, expertise and invaluable relationships to assist in your success.
Creating a product for an entirely new sector will require generic knowledge of the demographic, and a basic understanding of how to reach them with marketing choices. Research is of the utmost importance as you will need to develop a concept through to fruition – when there is no established book of business, your scheme will need to define the demographics requirements, and ideally progress to holding the dominant market share for the foreseeable future.
Regardless of approach, the insurer you pitch the scheme to will need reassurances before they will agree to proceed. Longevity is paramount, and also the scheme needs to be profitable; you need to ensure that you have enough mass to cover loss ratios for margin perspectives. You will be expected to explain why you can market the scheme better than other brokers. You will be expected to understand the sector and how the product will evolve and develop in line with industry progressions in the future, and what impact these changes will have on the client’s needs and requirements. If you have no prior experience with schemes or combined operating ratios, an insurer will want to see a good track record and the ability to deliver profitable results in other areas. Credibility and reputation are invaluable when an insurer considers entering into a scheme related partnership with a broker. You will need to understand specific cover features, research your demographic thoroughly via surveys/emails/conversations, and have access to financials for existing schemes, previous successes, rather than just claim statistics or profit shares figures.
Trade Associations
It is possible to successfully pursue a scheme proposal without the backing of a trade association; that doesn’t mean however that it’s a good idea. Some trade associations will be apathetic and will decline to assist you in your venture, yet the ability still exists for negotiating with insurers.
Having the support of a trade association is definitely a great method for accessing the market, however be aware that not all trade associations are equal. Pick your trade association as carefully as your choose your insurer, as some will engage well, add value and understand the benefits that you can provide; whereas others will add very little to your cause, and simply collect subs annually. Many industries will also have more than one trade association, so approach the competitors if your primary choice declines to assist. Always consider that a trade association that you approach could already have existing affiliations with another broker. Also, remember; just by having a trade association in your corner does not mean you have a marketable affinity or scheme.
You can always choose to chase a market without the backing of a trade association; you can carry out your own market research, attend related events and seminars, and gain insightful feedback from customers. This can sometimes be the best acid test for gauging whether the coverage you are offering will align with your demographics needs. Be aware however, without a trade association backing you, your credibility and distribution may suffer so you will need to counter this through other methods and avenues.
Insurers
The best way to choose an insurer partner is by aligning your objectives with theirs; it also helps if you have an existing relationship with them, and preferably a strong security rating. An insurer will require reassurances before committing to a partnership; they will want to see a well-researched, planned and marketable proposal. An insurer will need to see that you can provide good quality capacity, projections and estimations of profitability, and volume.
Can the insurer provide exclusive arrangements or bespoke coverage to prevent easy replication at other brokers? There is no point relying on premium to sell the scheme, as prices can be matched and challenged by holding brokers. Will the insurer’s current appetite for your scheme expand in proportion to the product if the environment evolves and diversifies? Will the insurer still be able and willing to accommodate the risks you seek to write if the sector or industry sees major changes that affect the demands and needs of the client? How much flexibility can the insurer offer? There will always be referral points regardless of how well defined a scheme is.
The broker/insurer relationship needs to be mutually aligned; where a broker will appreciate access to a dedicated underwriting team who understand the sector, the scheme, and the development of them both; the insurer will appreciate good communication between Business Development Managers and key staff members within the operations of the scheme. Both parties need to understand the scheme in preparation for environment changes that require the product to develop and evolve; the implementing of a scheme should not be seen as a quick fix, but rather a mutually beneficial investment in the future of the sector.
An insurer is likely to be very formal about the partnership. There is often formal delegated authority agreements, various standard or adapted business models for complaints, claims, service level agreements, profit, commission, and underwriting referrals. Pitching your idea to an insurer does not generally mean sitting across the table. It is common now for brokers to make initial propositions over the phone to explain the scheme, background context, broker information and alignment with the insurer. Expanding on the initial pitch, the broker will often be expected to demonstrate knowledge of the sector and demographic including defining the clients current demands and needs and how you have identified these, awareness of sustainability in a diversifying market, foresight of evolving opportunities and future projections, and providing financial estimates such as targets, statistics, current book and figures, alongside volume and capacity. The insurer will hope to see consideration for how the sector will react, especially within their own markets as a consumer, and that marketing solutions support long term common goals that align with projected profit margins.
Be aware that environment changes can render a scheme unsustainable. In the event that the landscape changes during the life of the scheme, it is important to be transparent with your insurer partner and address issues as they arise. To ensure continued goal alignment and measurable targets, you will need to recognise failures and remain realistic about the income projections. You need to establish precisely where the business will be written, and often income projections are halved to provide a fail-safe estimate as a minimum commitment.
A broker will also need to explain how they plan to compete with other brokers within this niche and clearly explain what unique coverage they are looking to offer that will make the scheme specialist. Some insurers will press more into the depth of your proposal even so far as querying marketing planning, budget, approach and reach; you will need to ensure you have fully investigated how your target demographic seeks information within the sector, whether it’s traditional advertising, digital media, or an amalgamation of the two. If you have any previous experience within the schemes market, be prepared to discuss your successes, loss ratios, and related statistics work to help enforce your credibility and reputation.
It can seem a daunting prospect achieving credibility with an insurer. Primarily ensure your scheme is well researched, and not just an ambiguous idea; demonstrating a clear understanding of the product, demographic and sector, alongside identifying a unique selling proposition to stop the holding market defending on price is a sure fire way to garner reputation. If you show a natural affinity and passion for the industry, and can present a valid argument why loss ratios will be better with yourself than on an open market, you are likely to score highly with the insurer. Also remember that setup costs for a specialist scheme are not cheap, and this will likely influence an insurer’s willingness to commit; if you are expecting them to invest resources into assisting you, then you will need to be guaranteeing ROI. Discussing the sharing of costs upfront can strengthen the relationship if you can reassure the insurer they are not going to be burdened with all the financial outlay, although there will likely be marketing support as the insurer’s resources are greater.
Having your scheme accepted by an insurer can feel like a victory in itself; however you will often be expected to wait 3/6 months for delivery, depending on the insurer you chose and the complexity of the product you have defined. If you are asking for an exclusive rate or feature, this will require internal referrals and will likely prolong delivery even further. Once established, the trust can begin to grow; initially the underwriter will wish to have control over any undefined decision on a referral basis, although this tends to fade as the partnership and scheme flourishes. An insurer will look to delegate authority once they feel comfortable with your expertise and professionalism and allow you greater flexibility over the business you write, whilst streamlining the referral process.
This is by no means a clear cut guide for achieving success in the schemes market, but hopefully this insight will help you to find your feet when stepping out into the big, scary world of specialist and niche product sectors.
Saturday, 14 September 2013
Love
I’ve always looked for love in all the wrong places, seeking broken spirits that I hoped I could save. I felt that was all I needed, because if I could fix a broken heart then my life would have served a purpose. If I could be the reason one girl smiled in the morning, then I couldn’t be that bad of a person.
I guess I used love as affirmation of who I was - I wielded it as a sword to protect me from my own darkest emotions, and as a shield to comfort me when I disliked my own reflection. I believe that only a girl as broken as me could ever understand me, or appreciate me - that only someone as damaged as I am could relate, accept or empathise.
I have surrendered trying to be the hero, I have discarded my sword and shield - I know now that I am far too damaged to save anybody else since it took every ounce of strength I had just to save myself.
Boredom and loneliness are the worst reasons for a relationship and yet I realise now, these are the main reasons we naively seek love. We see the world around us, the illusion of every other happy couple, and moreover the fairy tales that Hollywood spoon feeds us - and we yearn to experience this magic, seeking it so relentlessly we mistake lust, or convince ourselves of it’s presence.
I miss the memory of love, but in a world where memories are rose tinted, reality is forever doomed to falter to expectations.
Love is a dream, but sooner or later, we all wake up.
I’ll settle for my memories.
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I guess I used love as affirmation of who I was - I wielded it as a sword to protect me from my own darkest emotions, and as a shield to comfort me when I disliked my own reflection. I believe that only a girl as broken as me could ever understand me, or appreciate me - that only someone as damaged as I am could relate, accept or empathise.
I have surrendered trying to be the hero, I have discarded my sword and shield - I know now that I am far too damaged to save anybody else since it took every ounce of strength I had just to save myself.
Boredom and loneliness are the worst reasons for a relationship and yet I realise now, these are the main reasons we naively seek love. We see the world around us, the illusion of every other happy couple, and moreover the fairy tales that Hollywood spoon feeds us - and we yearn to experience this magic, seeking it so relentlessly we mistake lust, or convince ourselves of it’s presence.
I miss the memory of love, but in a world where memories are rose tinted, reality is forever doomed to falter to expectations.
Love is a dream, but sooner or later, we all wake up.
I’ll settle for my memories.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it with your friends on social networks using the buttons below, and please leave a comment with your thoughts;
I love hearing from my subscribers!
Saturday, 31 August 2013
Monday, 12 August 2013
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Letters to Ilysha #13
Dear Ilysha,
Today, Daddy got to see you once more :')
I got to the Contact Centre and went in to prepare for your arrival, to get everything ready so I could spend my time with you better. I got the highchair set up, I went and rounded up all the good toys for you hehe, and I sat waiting patiently talking to other parents.
Mummy brought you in and explained you were a bit tired, and hadn't been awake long - you even had bed hair that me and Mummy giggled about but you looked adorable! You smiled sweetly at me straight away, and Mummy passed me a little bag with your bits and pieces in. Mummy told me that you'd had your nine month review and they said it was important you get used to using a tippee cup and not relying on bottle teats hehe. She also said you were teething again and are on your way to having 6 teeth now! Big girl! You're using sudocrem now, because Mummy has no zinc oxide, so she is trialing it. Mummy passed you to me, gave you a kiss and said she'd see us in a couple of hours, and then it was just me and you - perfect :)
I started off by giving you a big kiss and cuddle, sat you on my knees and had a little chat with you, telling you how much I'd missed you whilst you smiled back and me and babbled along hehe. I could see you eyeing up your food bowl so I popped you into your chair, and started feeding you. You were a hungry little munchkin, and kept patting your hands on the tray of the highchair smiling as you ate your breakfast. You kept rubbing your bare feet against my knees and smiling, the little things you do are so cute :') - you started getting distracted and looking over your shoulder to see what was going on around you, so I rotated the chair so you could see easier :) - at one point you were looking away and I leaned right in next to you, and you turned your head, smiled ever so sweetly and leaned forward so our foreheads and noses were touching... it was adorable! You ate all your breakky without too much difficulty... and then I passed you your tippee cup. Well, that was entertaining! You seemed to enjoy filling your mouth full of water, then pulling the cup away so it dribbled out all down your chin! I spent most of the time trying to not let you get drenched in it!
After you'd had a drink, you reached up for me to pick you up, so I lifted you out the chair, flat packed it with my legs like a professional and we carried it back through to the other room. I lay you down on a big cushion and got the little blue cube you liked last week - I jingled it about you and you kicked enthusiastically, smiling and giggling with your eyes wide in excitement hehe :') - you have the cutest smile ever :) - we played for a while like that with me cuddling you, and tickling your tummy and talking to each other. Your love for mirrors has developed now, if I put one in front of you, you lean forward until your nose is pressed right against it! We practised your rolling with you on the playmat and me putting toys just out of your reach so you had to roll over to get them. You aren't as comfortable with rolling onto your back from your front just yet - at least not in the Contact Centre.
I helped you stand upright - you love just standing up, it's crazy that you are amazed with something so small, but I am equally amazed, you just smile constantly as I hold you steady :) - you wobble back and forwards, and occasionally fall on your bum onto the cushion under you - the cushion encourages you to keep weight evenly on your feet and not just stand on the balls of your feet like you try hehe. We played with all the toys like usual, and you were in your element, giggling and smiling - I know what you like these days, so keeping you entertained is easy, and we can interact easier without you getting distracted or bored :P - I carried you round the room and you were still fascinated with the ceiling lights, and the TV on the wall... I think Mummy must let you watch TV quite a bit, you always stare at it when it's in your sight!
When I changed your nappy this week you neither wee'd on me, or got upset haha - you had two packs of wet wipes to play with too so you were in your element! :')
When Mummy returned I had you stood over my flat leg like before, and you were taking small shuffles backwards and forwards, holding a red ball out whilst saying "da-da-da-da-da" hehe, I won't lie, I'm encouraging that one! I keep saying back to you "da-da" and hoping you pick it up properly and associate it with me since I'm the one teaching it to you! hehe ;)
Mummy was all smiles and sunshine again, she asked if you'd been a good girl and I couldn't disagree - you were good as gold, and hadn't got upset at all! We'd had a good play, and a cuddle, and as heartbroken as I was that you had to leave, I was just grateful that I'd got to see you again and spend some time with my special little lady.
Next week should be the last time we have to see each other at the Contact Centre, after that we should be able go out and go new places together - I can't wait to show you off to the world - proud Daddy's little Princess :')
I love you so much Ilysha, you are my everything and always will be. I can't wait to see you next week, the countdown has already started.
Daddy x x x
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Saturday, 27 July 2013
Letters to Ilysha #12
Dear Ilysha,
Your Daddy got to see you again today :'D
I arrived at the Contact Centre and went in to prepare for your arrival. I got the high chair set up ready, and got all the good toys together for you before other children arrived and stole them hehe. I went and located the playmats that had been missing for the last two weekends, I knew they'd be about somewhere - they were tucked away on top of a cupboard but I got them down and sorted them out for us to play with so you wouldn't carpet burn yourself rolling around the floor :)
Mummy and her sister Steph brought you in today, I didn't mind since I knew they wouldn't be staying, plus they were both civil with Daddy - the atmosphere is a lot better when they aren't nasty or rude to Daddy. Mummy got your breakfast out, and told Daddy she was trying you on a new style of teat, a tippee cup - you're really growing up now beautiful :')
Daddy gave you a kiss and cuddle then put you in the high chair for your breakfast, Mummy said goodbye and left us to it :D - you were hungry today, and thirsty too! I fed you your breakfast, but you kept needing a drink - so I helped you with your new tippee cup to stop you wearing more than you drank hehe. You ate up all your breakfast again today, it will help you be a big strong girl, and give you energy for our time together :D - you kept looking over at the big pile of toys I'd prepared grinning with that adorable toothy little smile :)
After your breakfast was finished, Daddy flat packed the high chair carefully whilst holding you on his knee, then we carried it through to the other room. We came back and I threw a big cushion on the floor for you to lie on, and got you some toys to play with. We had some different toys this week, there were some soft padded shapes, a cube with a bell inside that jingled every time I shook it - you kicked your legs enthusiastically and kept grabbing it and waving it around excitedly with wide eyes and a big smile :')
I had found a soft padded shape with a mirror on it, and you were fascinated with your own reflection, I dangled it above you and you couldn't take your eyes off it - well, until you grabbed it and began to eat it that is! :P - I relocated you to the playmat you liked and you rolled about like an expert, you're getting brilliant at it now - proud Daddy moment! We were playing with all the toys, your rattles and teddies, and you kept rolling away off the mat hehe.
You are getting good at standing upright now too, you kept holding my hands and pulling yourself to your feet :) - you would stand wobbling back and forward trying to get your balance - I stood you above my leg that was flat on the floor, and used it to guide you as I helped you shuffle forward towards me :) - I moved some of the toys onto the bench and helped you stand up and hold onto the edge of the bench - but I had to support you because you kept wobbling and falling onto your bum!!
When I changed your nappy today you had a surprise for me... that's right, I knew sooner or later you'd start weeing as I was changing your bum, and today was the first time! I managed to block it with a wet wipe and not get covered, but then had to spend a good few minutes wiping everywhere after haha! You got upset after that and I had to just get your nappy on you sharpish and give you a cuddle to calm you down. I lay you back down to put your trousers back on, and you started getting upset again :( - but it was okay, as soon as I picked you back up and comforted you it was fine :)
We went back in the Contact Centre and played some more, and before long Mummy and Steph reappeared to signal it was time you had to go again :( - I gave you a kiss and cuddle and passed you too Mummy whilst I tidied up all the toys. I told Mummy about the wee incident which she found amusing, and I asked about Zinc Oxide as she didn't bring any this week - Mummy explained it had exploded everywhere previously so she needed to get some more.
Mummy asked me if we just had two more sessions left at the Contact Centre, and I replied that it was however many were necessary until Court was resolved. Mummy replied it would just be two more then, which makes Daddy very optimistic that at the next Court date we can close the chapter on all this foolishness and Daddy can have proper access to you and take you to meet his family and take you out places :') :') :')
I love you Princess Ilysha, you really are the apple of my eye, and I couldn't live without you <3 - I can't wait to see you again next week my little Angel... love you all the world, and even more.
Daddy x x x
Saturday, 20 July 2013
Letters to Ilysha #11
Dear Ilysha,
Guess who got to see his beautiful little Princess again today? :')
I turned up in shorts and a vest top at about half past 9am, it has been really hot the last week - it's unusual in our country, England is usually the victim of really rubbish weather, but I guess with you in my life I better get used to the sunshine :) - it's always clear skies with you in my presence <3
I could hear you giggling and babbling with your Mummy before we went in, I could see you just around the corner sitting clapping your little handies and smiling gorgeously like always... :) - we went through into the Contact Centre at about 10am, you and Mummy were ahead of me but I could see you looking over Mummy's shoulder at me smiling... happy Daddy once more! I came into the same room as you after my delay in the queue, I put my bag down and went to get the high chair - Mummy told me you might still be a bit tired, and you were a bit niggly and restless as Mummy tried give you a kiss goodbye.
I cheered you up, smiling and giggling again before I opened up your food bowl... it looked like the white oaty gloop they eat in the Matrix haha, but you seemed to like it so I won't dwell on it hehe. You were a thirsty girl this morning, I had to keep stopping feeding you to let you drink some water, but after a while you let me feed you the rest of your breakfast without gazing at your water bottle longingly hehe. You kept reaching out and stroking my face and grabbing my lips, putting your fingers in my mouth smiling hehe. You ate all your food today, the last couple of times you'd left a bit but not today no siree! A member of staff took the high chair back for us today so I didn't have to wrestle it through whilst carrying you :)
A member of staff was sat in the room all day today which was a bit annoying, I kept feeling her eyes watching us, it makes Daddy feel uncomfortable - but we still just cracked on and had a good time playing with your toys again that I'd brought with me :) - you showed me how good you were getting at standing up again, and your toothypegs have really come through now! You've got both bottom teeth at the front, and one of the front ones at the top, and the one next to it which is strange to see hehe... you kept reminding me of your Uncle Ricky, he had one front tooth missing... :')
We played rolling around the floor, but Daddy was conscious today that there was no playmat available and the carpet was a bit rough on your mush as you rolled over... I didn't want you getting friction burns on your pretty little face! I chucked you up in the air whilst you giggled, and we played peek-a-boo, and "you can't reach it" hehe.
I changed your nappy again, and I stuck to the wet wipe technique to keep you busy,;) - I managed to not get zinc oxide everywhere this time too haha. You kept trying roll over though which made it awkward to get your nappy on straight! You little active bugger! I told Mummy when she came collect you that if it's not on straight then that's why, and she agreed changing your bum has become hard work now you can try to roll away!
We played for a bit longer with some stackable tubs, but you seemed more focused on eating them! You kept trying eat a rattle too... I think them toothypegs are really coming through, you were a right little drooly pup! At one point I was lying on the floor holding you in the air above me, and you managed to get me right in the eye haha, you found it hilarious! :)
By the time Mummy came to fetch you we could tell you were getting tired, you kept doing huge yawns and seemed disinterested in all the toys preferring to just lay in my arms and drink some water out your bottle. Daddy didn't mind, he likes holding his little Princess :') - when you had to go Daddy gave you a cuddle and kiss and told you he loves you, and then he watched you leave feeling happy and sad at the same time.
I love you my beautiful little Princess, my world - roll on next week when I can see you once more, and definitely roll on all this Court palava being over so I can finally have you in my life properly :')
Daddy x x x
Saturday, 13 July 2013
Letters to Ilysha #10
Dear Ilysha,
Daddy got to see you again today my beautiful Princess :)
It felt like an eternity since the last time I got to hold you - but I made up for it today :) - Mummy brought you in looking all summery in a pretty little flowery dress. I got the high chair ready straight away and fed you your breakfast - you were a bit more focused today and nommed pretty much all your food down without getting distracted by a;; the other children. Daddy's hungry little girl! I brought you a bottle of water with me, it was hot today and Daddy didn't want you getting dehydrated.
We played with all the usual toys, Daddy had bought his bag of tricks for you again. You showed off how good you were getting at rolling over by yourself :) - you like to stand up now too, you keep pushing yourself upright and trying get to your feet! I helped you and supported you; I didn't want let you put too much weight on your legs because I read somewhere about it making children bowlegged if they do it too young. But I let you get away with it a bit hehe.
Daddy changed your nappy for the first time today too, I bought a little toiletries bag with me including wet wipes, nappies, and nappy bags hehe :) - the staff asked if I was going to have a shave cause it looked like a shaving kit in the bag haha. I copied Mummy's trick of keeping you entertained with the packet of wet wipes whilst I changed you. Daddy was worried you were going to wee on him like something off a comedy film! Thankfully you didn't! I had to apply some Zinc Oxide cream for your nappy rash, that stuff was like sand, it went everywhere! I managed get it on you but also on the outside of your nappy, all over my hands, up my arm, and even on my t-shirt! I'll get better at that one hehe.
We cuddled, and we played, and we cuddled some more. I don't need to go into all the details anymore, it's more of the same... we played with teddies, and musical dinosaurs, and rattles, and a few other bits and pieces. And I tickled your tummy and made you giggle your head off, and we talked with you babbling back at me, and I swear somewhere amidst the sounds you said "Da-da" a few times hehe.
Mummy came back and I was laying on the floor playing rolling over with you still, time had flown quicker than expected! Mummy wolf whistled and smiled, and was nice as pie with Daddy. I don't understand her, she's schizophrenic I'm sure... nice one moment, nasty the next... *sigh*
Anywho, I gave you a kiss and a cuddle, and I packed all your toys away, I told you I love you, and then we went our separate ways once more for another week.
I love you my little beautiful Princess; you are the best thing I will ever have, and you were worth every second of fighting for you :') - I'll see you next week angel.
Daddy x x x
Saturday, 6 July 2013
Letters to Ilysha #9
Dear Ilysha,
Daddy didn't get to see you today :(
Mummy sent Daddy a text message last night saying you aren't very well and have a poorly tummy. Daddy wasn't sure if Mummy was just trying to trick Daddy and make him look bad, so he had an early night still and got up early this morning hoping that you would be feeling better, and that I would get to see you. But as you can tell from the first sentence, it wasn't meant to be again this week.
I hope next week comes quickly, because every minute spent without you feels like an eternity, and counting down to seeing you at the weekend is the only thing that keeps me sane in the middle of all the insanity.
I love you Ilysha, you are my everything. I hope you feel better soon Princess.
Daddy x x x
Sunday, 30 June 2013
Saturday, 29 June 2013
Letters to Ilysha #8
Dear Ilysha,
I got to see you again today :)
Daddy was a bit worried this week because he got to the Contact Centre at about 9.30am, and at almost 10am, you were still nowhere to be seen! Daddy was waiting inside impatiently when Mummy came hurrying in with you in her arms apologising whilst you smiled straight at me looking mischievous :)
We signed in and went into the play area - Mummy's schizophrenia was working in Daddy's favour this week, she was speaking to Daddy perfectly fine like nothing had ever happened - but Daddy is never the one to provoke an argument so he just went along with it. Mummy explained you had not long woken up and hadn't had your breakfast yet... :D - Daddy was grinning at this point because he knew what that meant! Until now Mummy had always fed you before we spent time together, but this week I was going to get to feed you! :D
Daddy went and fetched the high chair and set it up, and Mummy explained about your breakfast routine. She had made you a big bowl of tropical mushed up puree, you had a raspberry yoghurt and a bottle of water. Mummy explained you found the tropical a bit tangy, but that you did like it :) - I she said bye to us both, and left with a smile saying she'd see us in a couple of hours - that's right, this week I got to have you to myself for the full session without Mummy there with us! :')
I sat you in the high chair and fastened the five point harness, and positioned you facing me - you were looking at me looking confused hehe. I got your bowl of tropical out and you started kicking excitedly with your eyes lit up - I guess you were a hungry little girl! I was feeding you, but I quickly learned the creche environment is very distracting, as you kept turning to see what was going on around with you! I had to constantly chase your mouth with the spoon! Then when you did face me, you grabbed the bowl and dipped your fingers in your food little mucky pup! I sucked your fingertips to get the food off them and you laughed in delight hehe :')
You ate nearly all your food but towards the end seemed disinterested, so I left the last bit - too be fair the bowl had more food in it than I eat these days! :') - you loved your yoghurt, I didn't have to chase you for that! I did a good job of not decorating your whole face with your food hehe :) - then you had your bottle of water, but you're a lazy little bugger and wouldn't hold it up yourself, so Daddy held it for you. I got you out the high chair and cradled you whilst you were drinking out your bottle and you were lying back looking up at me inquisitively :')
I carried you with me & took the high chair back, and then we came back to play. I'd brought all your toys with me again this week, and you happily picked up where we'd left off last time! It was like we'd never left. You still liked eating all the toys, and you still were obsessed with my boots haha, random little things that amuse me :) - and you had a little chat with me again this week, babbling away whilst we were playing :) - you kept pulling your socks off this week too! I must've put them back on about 10 times hehe!
I got a brilliant video of you giggling your head off as we played - I was rocking you and letting you push off the floor with your little feetsies, and chucking you in the air and catching you, and flying you around - you were giggling constantly and it was so adorable, the cutest giggle I've ever heard in my whole life :) - and just seeing you smiling and happy is the greatest feeling I've ever known.
You showed me your new trick this week, my clever little girl had learned how to roll over! So I was lying on the floor with you rolling over with you, encouraging you to practice :D - you'd end up on your tummy and reach out for me making little grunts trying to push yourself forward with your little legs and I'd reach for you to get you to push forward towards me :')- other parents were giggling as I rolled round the floor with you - I must have looked crazy hehe!
Towards the end of our time together you were starting to get tired, you were rubbing your eyes and yawning, so I picked you up and walked around with you, rocking you and comforting you. You were looking up at me, smiling peacefully - such an amazing feeling, just holding you, and knowing you are mine, and seeing the love in your eyes - nothing makes Daddy feel more invincible.
Mummy came to fetch you at the end of the session, and was still civil with Daddy - I explained you hadn't finished all your food and Mummy said that sometimes you don't manage eat it all so not to worry. We discussed your new skill of rolling, and Mummy told me you were getting good now at home, that you'd rolled halfway across the room the other day :') - Daddy's clever little girl. I gave you a kiss and a cuddle, and told you I loved you and that I'd see you next week, and said goodbye to your Mummy, and then came the saddest part when I have to watch Mummy take you away for another week.
I love you so much my little Princess, every time I see you, it reminds me why I fight for you, why I will never give up on you. Every second we are together makes the pain when we're apart worth it. You are truly my everything - and I can't wait to proudly watch you grow up :') - I'm counting down the minutes to seeing you again already... the weekends can't come quick enough anymore, and I wish the days between away until I can see you once more.
I love you Ilysha, my daughter, my Princess, my world. I'm going nowhere...
Daddy x x x
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